Why can't I let go of medfet?

I have a niche fetish that few people (relatively speaking) are into and it seems even fewer understand, if I trust them enough to even mention it. It's been years since I've been able to play out a scene and my brain still revisit medfet through videos and sites like this. And because I haven't acted on my impulses in so long, even I have to wonder why sexual self feels incomplete with out this form of play. This is the best I can come up with.

It let me let go. I feel like I'm constantly in decision-making mode in my day-to-day life--and that wears me down. With medfet, the play doc makes all the decisions. Granted, in my experiences, I still negotiate the scene with the play doc prior to getting together. But in the moment, I can mostly relax and go from from a headspace where I'm thinking (or overthinking) about everything and just focus on the sensations. Had I the opportunities to have enough sessions with a play partner, I think I would have enjoyed building up a mutual sense of trust that would let me really let go and say the body is yours, do what you will.

I felt like someone is really paying attention to me. Related to the above, because I discuss the scene with the best play docs, they come to the scene with a sense of where to take things and they look at how my body is responding and they do more of the same, do something similar or try something different.

It was a chance to push my boundaries. I didn't do as much pushing as I wanted to, but I at least dunked my toe in the water with electro play, enema play, and body trimming. I think I didn't know what to do with those feelings of enjoying kinky play, so I didn't pursue other things I might have liked to do. In the absence of medfet, I realize how much I'm craving new and different sensations.

It made me directly engage with my sexual desires. Because I had to talk things out with a play partner, I had the benefit of a healthy dialogue with someone that helped me to own (to some extent) my sexual desires and, even tho these were people I only saw once in a blue moon, I ended up with a social and sexual relationship that I didn't fully appreciate at the time. I'm realizing how much good communication meant to my more positive sexual experiences. (And all that aside, the email and phone exchanges did a lot to build anticipation, which also felt great.)

Does any of this ring true for other guys who play the patient role? And what about the play docs? What are the main attractions to medical play?