I never had the “talk” from my parents. You know the birds and the bees thing. So I began puberty completely ignorant of sex and my body changes to come. Other than the obvious like facial hair.
One night I awoke with a start. I thought I'd peed myself. But as I ran a hand down inside my underwear I found a sticky mess. It sure wasn't pee. It scared me. What is that stuff? Is there something wrong with me? I didn't want to tell my parents, too embarrassing. I had no idea I had experienced my first wet dream. I never told anyone.
My grandmother lived with us and she regularly exchanged paperbacks with friends. She kept them in a small dresser. One day looking for something I might read I found a book about sexuality in India and the Middle East. At the time I had no idea what masturbation was or how to do it. Skimming through I found a section describing boys stroking their penis for gratification. It seemed silly. What would that do? But I was curious so I tried. I did as described for about a half minute and stopped. It's just silly. But the idea stayed with me so I thought I'd try again. That night after going to bed I began to play with myself. I was erect quickly and as I had read I began to stroke myself pulling the foreskin back and then forward. It still seemed silly. But as I continued I felt a change. A feeling I'd never felt before. Something is definitely going on. Pleasurable feelings built, and then this slow building of pressure and pleasure,increasing with each stroke until I convulsed and that sticky mess I'd experienced previously came shooting out. My erection spasmed repeatedly, my head was spinning. Wow! My heart was pounding and I was breathing hard. Damn whatever that was it was amazing. Obviously, it wasn't long before I was trying again and again and again.
I also found another book that one of my grandmother's friend had given her. Knowing Grandma I'm sure she never looked at it. She wasn't the type.
The book was titled, Women Who Spank Boys. It was supposed case histories of women who were sexually stimulated from spanking boys. In one case a primary education teacher would keep the naughty boy in from recess. With pants pulled down she put them over her knee and gave them a spanking that left them crying. They were then required to stand in the corner bare bottomed at which time she would quietly masturbate as she looked at their red bottom. Another told of a woman who agreed to watch two boys while her friend was out of town, a six year old and a thirteen year old. She was told to administer spankings if needed. On the very first day she found reason to spank the 6 year old. He went bare bottomed over her knee. She found herself aroused. The next day the 6 year old gave her further reason so another spanking was given.. She began to wonder about spanking the 13 year old. spanking the younger brother was exciting, but wouldn't spanking the older boy be even more so? It became obvious he was too well behaved. Hw wouldnt give her any reason to spank him. So she asked if he would like to skip school for a day. His brother would still go so the house would be a quieter and he'd have day without dealing with him. However, if she let him skip that would be naughty for him not going to school. But if he agreed to a spanking it would make it ok. The boy accepted, got spanked, and the woman fulfilled her desire.
There were many more episodes described. The book sent me into daydreaming and fantasizing about getting a spanking. It hasn't ended.
Add to this overhearing conversations of a gorgeous friend of my mom's about giving her daughters enemas with a spanking if necessary as well as talking about giving herself enemas and I find myself here at zitybiz.
One of the first sites I discovered which allowed me to understand myself to some extent. First, I'm not the only person with a liking for enemas and spanking and rectal temperatures. What a relief to know I'm not the ONLY one.