Threesomes. I suspect most of us have at least thought about them. Many of us have fantasized about them. Some of us have done them. Is the reality as good as the hype?
I’ve thought about them, of course. Being the center of attention of two hot guys? Yeah that one goes about as far back as I can remember. My good-girl conditioning put that squarely in the realm of ‘not gonna happen’. What about two girls and a guy? Gotta say, yeah, had that one too. More MFF vs FMF and in the old days it was usually an older (but not too old) married couple seducing young me into their bed. Hey, it was my fantasy. Good girl conditioning laid a big Uh Uh on that one too.
When you’re young it seems like you have all the time in the world. Then suddenly you’re in late middle age, divorced, kids grown and you realize you’ve got a shelf-life. What if… starts creeping into your head and you start thinking that maybe… and then you find Mr Right. Or re-find him in my case, or maybe that’s realize that a missed opportunity that you have a second chance at shouldn’t be missed again. And you share everything with him, including your deepest and darkest fantasies, and not only is he not repulsed but he says, “COOL! Let’s try it and while we’re at it, have you thought of…” Damned boy taught me a thing or two.
So you get to that point where he says, “Yeah I’d like to watch you fuck another guy,” and you don’t really believe him or you think he THINKS he wants that but when it happens he’ll freak out and that’s the end of the best thing you’ve ever had so NOPE, not gonna. And he doesn’t push. And it comes up again and he’s still, “yeah I think it would be hot,” until you get to the point of actually contemplating it. He handles the logistics. He says he would prefer it that way as being in control of it makes it less threatening which makes sense when you think about it. Obviously I would have to find the guy attractive and I also posited he had to be a stranger and from a fair distance away as I don’t want complications added to existing relationships nor do I want to run into him at Kroeger.
My husband is Mr Make-it-happen. He’s not a talker, he moves with purpose. Waaay sooner than I expected he had some candidates. One I rejected out of hand. He wasn’t attractive to me. Group chatted (three of us) with two others and realized there was at least some chemistry with one of them. OK we were basically doing a job interview for sex. WEIRD. What we actually set up was a MedFet play session vs sex. Honestly, that give it the, for lack of a better word, distance, to contemplate doing it. It would be like having sex without actually having sex. There was no expectation of my doing anything for him (I’ve called him Dr Smith before so we’ll continue with the S nomenclature). Even WITH that it was a hard step to get past but I figured I could see how well my husband handled this as it was something less than full on sex.
I wrote about the encounter elsewhere. Details are available to them that want them. I decided to end it by giving S a handjob. Hubby handled it just fine. Hubby handled it more than just fine, hubby screwed my brains out when we got back to our hotel and was talking about it for weeks after. We decided to do it again and go further (details also available elsewhere) and it was fun. Lots of fun.
Why was it fun? Well of course being that center of attention was fun. Duh! You know what else was fun? Seeing how much it turned on my husband. There was an instance where I’m naked and basically showing off for both of them and seeing the lust in S’s eyes mirrored in my husbands eyes and woof. Talk about a feeling of power. At that moment I was the Queen of Sex. Was the resulting sex good? Of course. Is it as good as the fantasy? Is reality ever?
See that’s it. It’s real. It’s people. It really is just another relationship. Once people get involved it becomes complicated. I had been worried about my husband becoming possessive, turns out S started giving off possessive vibes which turned me right off, ultimately causing me to end the relationship. Unless you’re doing it as a one-time event there has to be compatibility in the same was as if you’re dating. Roles also need to be clearly defined and negotiated and everyone needs to be on-board with them.
I’ve another poly relationship with a woman. This one is working, honestly, in my opinion because all 3 of us understand what our ‘role’ in the relationship is and are comfortable with that role. We’ve set limits and the only times we’ve pushed those limits we’ve discussed it pretty thoroughly beforehand.
I’ll continue with the latter relationship. Would I add another guy again? Eh. S has reached out a few times, very apologetic. I’d consider maybe him again with limits and caveats. Honestly he would have to be comfortable with being a human vibrator and I don’t know if I am comfortable with using him as such. We’ll see.