Let's try again ... maybe?

8 months ago when I first finally created this blog and wrote the first couple of posts, I intended to try to relate how my medical fetish came about. Alas, I only got through a couple of them.

At the time I was trying to light a fire under myself and push myself out there. This, I thought, would be a good way to introduce myself and who I really am. At the same time, it would get me used to not simply lurking here as I'd done for years, and to actually interact with the community.

It just didn't take. I'm not quite sure why. Part of it was I didn't feel quite as "welcome" or "embraced" as maybe I anticipated? Don't misunderstand -- the problem wasn't with others, it was with me -- my perception of what to expect. Still, I didn't quite feel as immediately engaged as I'd hoped. So, it tailed off. I have since worked to participate and involve myself more, and that's been going fine. I still don't quite feel part of the community, not as much as I expected. I'm not sure if there's something I'm expecting I shouldn't expect, or if I'm not going about it the right way to engage with people and make "friends".

Ok, there's a question that kills me -- why the hell do some people here ... actually a lot of people here ... have so many friends? I mean actual friends on zity, seen on the profile. At last check I had ... 5. Why? Are y'all running around sending friend requests to everyone you see? Everyone that responds to any post? At one point I figured perhaps it was people who had met in the chat rooms that I'd never had the courage to participate in previously. But now, I kept checking the chat rooms at many different times, and it was a very rare occasion that I saw more members than you could count on one hand.

So what's the deal? To be honest, I think it's me .... Because, well, on the one hand, I'm not sending out friend requests. I don't know why I would. The few I have I either received, or I engaged with directly for one reason or another. On the other hand, I never receive any. Now, why is that? I've got ... let's see .. 90 posts. Probably most of them in the past 1, maybe 2 years at most. Like I said, I lurked. I've been in the chat rooms a handful of times now. Not many, but I made a point of participating and interacting as much as I could. But still...

Now -- in my life, I'm the introverted type who's had a few close friends, and maybe lots and lots of acquaintences, most of whom wouldn't be at the level you'd call "friends" here, even. Coworkers, classmates, etc. So for the same reason I'm not fighting off the offers to grab a drink most of the time, I would imagine that I don't come off as all that friendly, perhaps. Hell if I know. I used to jokingly tell myself I must be somewhere along the autistic spectrum, but the reality is, I just don't read people well, and I'm lousy with others' emotions. I can be very empathetic, oddly enough -- I cry at movies. Kind of a lot. But just can't read people.

PLEASE. To be clear. This isn't a request for friends, it's not even a complaint or even venting about zity. It's just a blog post and I'm just ... telling a bit of my story. For good or nought. Mostly for me, help me learn.

But don't despair -- consider this a part 1 ... I've looked elsewhere for my medfet validation, and with a surprising niche area of success.