Again this is one post not being shared out of medfet but because I felt like sharing.
I have mentioned in posts here that I have been diagnosed with fibroids earlier this year and that I am not comfortable with my bottom being examined. Even the thought about it. Two months back I had to get it done because of rectal pain.
My period is on right now. Day 4 today. But periods are difficult for me due to fibroids every time. Since day 2 I had rectal pain too. It could mean a flare up so we thought of consulting the doctor about it. I was not very comfortable obviously but mom wanted it. So she spoke to the gynec in our apartments. Mom asked her to come over but she told she couldn't as her kid was sleeping. So she asked us to come over.
I was scared but mom and I went.
She asked me to take my PJs off. I had already emptied my bladder before coming as instructed. She asked me to lie on my left. She clipped my top above raising it till above my navel. I was very sacred. She asked me to relax. But even before she could begin I started crying. Mom was there in the room. She told I get scared. She tried to calm me down. The doctor slowly inserted the finger. I started shaking. I just didn't want the exam. But knowing my symptoms (and now a little background about my health) doctor said it was necessary.
So she asked mom and her own sister for help. And my feet were held and there was a hand on my back so I don't move. She examined. I was crying and she was telling me to stay calm. But I had a panic attack. I started sweating and was breathing heavy with fast heartbeat and I was trembling.
She turned me on my back and calmed me down. Only then I stopped crying. Mom told her about my panic attacks.I could hear everything but was too weak to respond. She stethed under my top while her sister rubbed my feet. After things were little in control she gave me glucose drink as I was exhausted. I had forgotten my rectal pain.
She said I shouldl lie down for a while as in this condition I might get dizzy because still my heart was beating fast and BP was high too. I did as told and don't remember anything after that.
The next thing I know I was in my room on my bed and it was about after 3 hours. This morning I asked mom how did this happen so she told that the doctor her sister mom and dad actually brought me home in sleeping state on a old wheeled bed from doctor's house.
Apparently the doctor told it was not right to wake me up from a deep sleep. But they had to sleep too so they brought me home asleep. Honestly I felt a little awkward.
Mom told that Dr said that this rectal pain is period induced because of fibroids. She has asked to get it done again in few days.
I was wondering It's so interesting that she now knows my body like my GP and the gynec at the hospital.
I wrote this post to tell that yes I get panic attacks. I have had therapy for this and everything was ok. Yesterday's was a one off incident. Even the doctor said it was ok. And yes I have accepted this too like I accepted my sexuality. I was ashamed of having panic attacks earlier but not anymore now.
But I would prefer not to answer any questions regarding therapy and attacks though.