My last physical was just after switching to a new PCP, so I was completely unaware of his routine and what he examined during a physical. My last physician's physicals consisted of listening to my heart and lungs and very little else. So when my new family med doc uttered the words, "OK, it's time for your hernia exam", I was genuinely surprised. I had gotten used to physicals being quick and non-invasive.
It took me a moment sitting on the table to digest the words and comprehend that I needed to stand up. I was just positioning my feet on the step at the end of the table so I could stand when he gave me my very specific instructions. "Go ahead and stand, all the way down on the floor, right here." Just prior to that I had been almost in a trance, staring at my feet willing them to work. Upon hearing his words I figured I should probably look up at him to see exactly where it was he wanted me to stand. I hesitated in my movements too. Was I hearing this all correctly? He was telling me specifically where to stand? Was he serious or kidding, trying to lighten the mood maybe?
"Just stand right right here, facing this direction. Put your feet here, pointed this way." While saying this, he was bent over pointing to the floor. Then he kind of moved his arms back and forth, similar to a flight attendant pointing out emergency exits, to show me which direction to face.
I then realized I had frozen. One foot on the step, one in mid air. I was half sitting/ half leaning on the end of the exam table, mesmerized by all details I was receiving. Wow, that was oddly specific I thought. I kind of liked it though... I snapped out of my funk, climbed down from the step, and walked right over to my spot in front of the doctor, which was still half bent over pointing to the floor and looking at me. Only then, when I was in a suitable location, did the doctor stand up and walk over to the glove box hanging on the wall.
The doc grabbed his gloves and his chair and took a seat in front of me while he started to put on his gloves. I took the clue and dropped my pants and underwear to mid thigh while he finished putting on his gloves and stared at my genitals. He then went on to give me the most thorough genital and hernia exam of my life.
While standing in front of the doctor enduring the embarrassment was when I really started thinking about the location he wanted me in. It just didn't make any sense to me why I had to be in the spot I was at. I was a few feet from the end of the table, right next to the door. So after getting down from the table I had to walk to the specified location and then turn to face the direction I was told. I was next to the door, so it's not like me standing there would have blocked anyone from coming in the room during the genital exam. I guess my location would have prevented either one of us from getting hit by the door if someone came in. In fact if someone did come in the exam room, they would have had the perfect angle from the doorway to have watched the hernia exam. The only thing I can think of is maybe the lighting was better in that specific location. The main overhead light would have been slightly in front of me and to the side.
The doctor finished my genital exam by checking me for a hernia. He stood up from his chair, turned and walked toward the counter as he said, "Alright....". I took it that we were now done and pulled up my pants. I was just tucking my pecker in my jeans when he turned and looked at me and said, "I'm going to go ahead and check your prostate." He then leaned over the exam table to demonstrate the next position I was to be placed in.