For me the anticipation, nervous excitement, and embarrassment are the majority and best parts of my medfet. It doesn't just apply to the rectal exams though. The anticipation of all of it is good... genital, rectal, pelvic, breast, skin... I get the tingly feelings just scheduling an exam, thinking about what's to come, driving to the doctor's office, walking in the door, talking to the receptionist, sitting in the waiting room with my thoughts, hearing my name called by the nurse and having her lead me into an exam room. The nerves, anxiety, and anticipation really kick in to high gear if I hear the same nurse tell me to get undressed and have a seat on the exam table. That's when it really sinks in that this nurse (and the receptionist) know exactly why I'm there and what the doctor will soon be doing to me. All the humiliation that I will soon have to endure. At my doctor's office, with the paper thin walls, I also know that they will actually be able to hear word for word everything that will be said and done to me while in the small exam room.
Sitting on the table, dangling my legs, waiting on the doctor, the anticipation and dread really begin to take hold. And then the sudden snap back to reality and the first sinking of the stomach, the knock on the door. Once the conversation with the doctor gets started, my nerves and anxiety tend to calm down a little bit. I'm past the point of no return, so now I just wait for it to be over with and focus on the topic that we're discussing at the moment. And then the second sinking of the stomach, when the doctor stands up and washes his/ her hands... and so it begins.
The anticipation is slowly building, progressing more and more rapidly as the doctor works through all the preliminaries, eyes, ears, nose, throat. Maybe reflexes, maybe skin exam, it's all just delaying the inevitable. All building to the moment I know is rapidly approaching. Anticipation reaches overdrive when I'm instructed to lie down as the doctor pulls out the leg extension on the table and begins the abdominal exam. We all know what is next. I do. The doctor does. The nurse and receptionist just outside the door in the hall know. The lady in the exam room next to mine listening to every word and sound know what's coming. Anticipation and nerves are maxed out as the doctor pushes in the leg extension and tells me to sit up.
"Alright, time for the hernia exam. Stand right here and face this direction." I knew it was coming. I always know it is coming. We ALL knew it was coming. And yet my head instantly starts spinning as time comes to a screeching halt. Everything seems to move in slow motion. I stop thinking clearly. For the third time my stomach drops down to my ankles, along with my underwear that I'm slowly lowering. That first moment of exposure is always the worst/ best. The doctors face is a foot and a half directly in front of my genitals, just staring, judging. That's usually the moment I feel the smallest... literally. Nerves, dread, anxiety all come to a crashing head. I'm lucky if my internal organs continue to function, let alone think of any answers to questions being asked of me at this moment. About the time I'm being instructed to cough is also about the time my brain begins to function again. So just as I'm giving a nice strong cough is when I begin thinking about all the people surrounding my little exam room listening to me give a nice strong cough, picturing my predicament that I'm now in. Ugh, there goes a bit more shrinkage.
Alright, that was terrible and embarrassing, but it's over with and I survived. I'll just pull these pants up and be on my way. "Ok, just need to do a quick prostate exam and we'll be all done. Just lean over the table on your elbows, feet apart, toes pointed in." Uhhhh whaaat...?!? Every exam I somewhat expected to hear that, yet at the same time, I really did not expect to hear that! I don't know about anybody else, but the first (and so far only) time I've heard those words it was like a sucker punch to the gut. I think most people on this site can relate at least somewhat when I say that I've always known it would eventually happen. I always anticipated it happening, expected it, even looked forward to it. The idea and thought of it were always exciting and arousing to a degree. But at the same time, I always dreaded it and hoped it wouldn't happen on this visit. I figured it won't happen yet, I'm too young, maybe next time. Hearing those words, my stomach now dropped through the floor, head spinning all over again. I was moving on autopilot as I assumed the humiliating position and pointed my naked rear at my doctor. It is definitely a unique experience. Feeling the touch and visual inspection. Hearing the snap from the lid on the lubricating jelly. Talk about anticipation and nervous excitement! And then the slippery finger is inside me exploring me like few, if any, ever have before. Very weird feeling. Next thing I know I'm standing there, feeling the lube squish between my cheeks, having a very awkward conversation with my doctor. I have a hard time looking the nurse in the eyes when she comes in to finish up with me, and then I leave the exam room making the walk of shame to the receptionist desk for another brief awkward conversation as she gives me a sympathetic look. As I'm walking out to my truck I wonder what is going through their minds and what they are thinking about my recent embarrassing experience.
To me the anticipation, anxiety, dread, excitement, nerves, embarrassment, sinking sickening feeling in my stomach, and all the other emotions are terrible to experience during an exam, but are absolutely worth it and wonderful to think back on later. That's why it's the best and worst feelings. I also think these are very fluid and dynamic thoughts/ feelings and can change drastically depending on the exam and situation I'm in. Is it a compulsory or required exam or did I choose to schedule it? Do I know if the doctor is male or female? Has this doctor ever examined me before? Do I know what to expect or what order things will be examined? Do I know what will or will not be examined? Chaperone or not? All of this determines how much is anticipation, nervous, excitement, dread, fear, etc. But usually, whatever the mixture of emotions, it's all good and I love it! ?