Onset of Deafness, Social Anxiety Issues, Trust Issues, Depression Issues, Respiratory Issues, Recovering from Stroke Issues...wow someone I would like to hangout with.
We all have issues.
We all have our likes and dislikes.
We all have our kinks and perversities.
We all have our "AH-HA" moments and we have our mistake moments as well.
I live a guarded life. I don't have a facebook page. I don't have any social media connections other than google. We all know it is Skynet anyway, right?
When I was younger and more stupid than now I did all that bullshit and my pictures started appearing in odd places. When that happened I shut down everything. To this day I don't take pictures. I don't allow anyone to take a direct picture of me..Yes there are the cell phone cameras everywhere and I get caught from time to time but I don't do the selfie thing. This whole look at me concept is foreign to me. I like disappearing and, unfortunately, I get noticed. Tall Red head go figure.
I once opened myself up to someone and got close with them. We shared things about each other and our families. We got to know each other over the web but things went south and the conversation came to an abrupt stop. I'll take the blame for that. And to compound the issue I up and had a fucking stroke that took me out for a while.
Anyway I miss that connection we had and wonder about that person's family. It seemed that I got to know them from that person's point of veiw.
So Depression and Up coming surgery...yay surgery...surgery 2.2a
Getting my ears done yet again...grumble grumble grumble...
But I have Depression triggers that I keep close tabs on. And over the years I've learned the signs of , what I call it, "The Dark" coming onto me.
Tuesday evening, alone, and feeling sorry for myself....I know, I didn't think that ever happened either... I felt the slip happening. I remedied the situation. Took my meds for this symptom and took a long hot bath and just chilled out and listened to music...
Next day messaged a couple of people to check up on me, which they did and I am thankful.
Saw my Psycho doc and went and saw Father Kevin.
I love my counselors, they get me, they know me, and they know the right things to say.
Psycho Doc...No I am not going to a Sex Addicts meeting...I don't need anymore hook ups...
Father Kevin...Yes I know I am going to smoke a turd in Pergatory because of some things...its understood.
So with all my buffers in place I simply go home last night.
I blare Motley Crew's Dr Feelgood on repeat throughout my house as I venture in to clean my closet....
Dancing about and playing the greatest air guitar ever not seen..my phone rings...like I can hear it anyway but I notice it flashing and buzzing...
"Hey, Downtown tonight, let's roll."
Pausing to weigh whether this is a positi...."Sure I'm in."
And with that simple phrase....
Faith the Depressed Goddess of Dominatrixes everywhere...becomes...
The White Queen! (god I love her, I so want to be her when I grow up)
So what to wear... it was all spread out before me... so...
White Leather Halter leaving mid drift bare...check
White Leather short skirt (yes I still have the legs to pull this off) check
White garter belt and garters...check and check
White stockings with the line up the back...(oooo love those) check check
White over the knee lace up boots with four inch heels...check.. (love those as well)
Then the White Leather Jacket short when leaving naturally..
Some amazing hair thing that turns this Engineer by Day into 80's rockstar at night... (just go with it and work with me here)
And some really creep make up around the eyes...really need to get a pair of pale blue and deep red contacts to freak the goths out...
So the look established. Jacket on over halter with abs showing. Skirt riding low but still short enough to show off garter straps to stocking tops before disappearing inside the boots...perfect. Make up that says..."I wanna fuck you" or "I wanna kill you" depending on the moment...perfect..
Now don't get me wrong. A girl loves to make an entrance. But nothing better than when you hit the door and the DJ sees you and Sammy Hagar's Heavy Metal starts to blare....if that doesn't make a girl wet I don't know what will...I love my guys at this club...
So myself and my gal pals wade into the Wed night crowd which is usually a good night. I see many of the regulars. I see some new faces and some fairly new faces. We head to the bar and our table/booth opens up and I start the tab for the evening and pay homage to the owner of the place...Just a firm kiss that we share...He makes money and I get worshipped...( no ego problem here, thank you)
The major let down for them this week was I was taking no sacrifies this week so no drink specials for the tribes...but it was a good evening..I drank water all evening...so you watersports lovers know what that means...I pissed a lot last night...just saying..
The regulars swung by to say hi and make suggestive and lude comments...I love my people..they get me.
I saw some of the people I met last week but chose to not interact with them.
Saw my new favorite Transgender Joan, she stopped by and sat and we talked for a while.
We closed the place down. I got home about 3ish a.m. But at my job at 7...yes maam...before the Herd arrives..
So I am dragging today but all self inflicted. I'm a big girl and can take the responsibility.
So what is this rambling all about. It just points out that we are all just people with issues and fantasies...some of us play them out on a bit grander scale than others but we still have the opportunity to live our lives to the fullest and at the highest speed possible...I play at 11 on the volume of my amp...why...11 is louder than 10. (Spinal Tap)
Be Excellent to your friends and yourself... (Wyld Stalyns)