Missing you....

I miss my Dad. He's been gone now 10+ years and I still miss him. I lost three years with him when I came out. He didn't appreciate my choice of life style and or partners. He just couldn't get a good grasp on it. Finally we patched things up and I got a year and a half with him. I was his football girl, gamer girl, music girl. My idiot brothers were either too self centered or too medicated to understand what we had living with us. A incredibly intelligent man who provided for his family, who loved life, who might start dancing for no apparent reason or simply sing (poorly) some song running through his head. A wonderfully friendly individual that was slow to anger and more than a handful to handle once he achieved his 'mad on'. I miss going to football games with him. Playing some wargame he brought home. Invading my brother's haunt so we could listen to extremely loud rock from the 60's 70's and 80's. His encouragement as I worked toward my degrees. His disdain from me and not even wanting me in the house. Many tears and many letters (unanswered), many phone calls (not returned). He finally did let me back in once he got to know my significant other.

"I don't appreciate some of the choices in live you've made, Darling. But I've never stopped loving you and I have missed you a great deal and I'm still not a big fan but I would rather have you here than not have you here." Christmas Day 2004. Today is July 26th... Happy Birthday Dad, still love you and miss you.

I miss Grace, I miss Jan (Miss Arkansas), I miss Good Bears football, I miss Saturday morning breakfast with the whole family. I miss Josh (sometimes)(another story for another day), I miss bartending at the old sports bar in Peoria, Illinois. I miss some of my college friends I've made over the years. I miss being at my desk at 7:00 A.M. sharp at least an hour before everyone else showed up for work. I miss shutting up one of the owner's son who always thought he was better than me at what I do. And I miss the big meetings where I could prove to everyone else I was fucking better than Daddy's boy. (What an idiot) I miss fighting with Union Stewards.. (well maybe not that much)

I don't miss having to answer to people that don't have a clue. That don't understand that people are not simply numbers. And money is the bottom line.. (well it is actually) I don't miss pompus asses however there is a never ending line of them and I seem to come across it semi daily.

I miss my brood, but they are each doing well and living their collective dreams. They don't forget about me and we chat and communicate at least weekly from one or another. Such beautiful women and powerful. Don't fuck with them, more than you will ever want to handle and then you have momma bear to deal with.

I am grateful that I have my hearing back but there are some issues. I have started seeing a speech therapist again so I will be able to speak if I go deaf again. My moto is: "If they have the technology, hell, I will throw money at it. I want to hear the moans and groans and the music."

I am not the same person who started on this site six years ago. In the past eight I've grown old. And maybe I've grown up some as well. And some of the drama that I see I just shake my head and want to yell "What the Fuck? Get your head out of your ass and move the fuck on! It's not that fucking difficult, people."

I miss Moparman and Petalsoft and Princess Emmie, These were my buds. And i see Mashie, Chester, Fencer and others from a while back. Maybe I've become the dinosaur, or the elephant in the room. I don't know. Shit changes. And I don't like change.

And remember, anyone who hasn't gotten a drink from reading this depressing shit, I will never change from being me. I believe that we all have a right to be and say what we wish as long as it doesn't overly offend others. I do NOT believe that gay lesbian transgender and bi people (I'm in this group) have the right to demand special treatment. I've never asked for it and I am embarrassed by seeing those so all wrapped up in making a statements that they create more issues than they have solved. Just shut the fuck up and sit down.

I am a card carrying member of the Republican party, I am a Capitalist, I am a card carrying member of the NRA, And I like girls more than guys. The establishment should fear me. Liberals should fear me. I do not participate in political commentary on web sites. Because I have no patiences for the whining and the miss information. if you want to know what is happening, people, fucking read! Learn. Move the fuck on. Hillary IS guilty, Donald IS outrageous. Bernie is... well I am not sure what Bernie is... someone help me with that one.. other than a screaming socialist and we have had that already for the past 8 years. Oops sorry there I go... I'll stop.

GUNS DO NOT KILL PEOPLE! Period. Understand that. And the next person that tells me an AR-15 is an assault rifle I will shoot them. A semi automatic weapon is NOT a fucking ASSAULT RIFLE. An AUTIOMATICE WEAPON IS AN ASSAULT RIFLE! AR does not stand for Assault rifle... and a weapon doesn't shoot itself. Someone has to pull the fucking trigger. Lord forgive me, I detest stupid people. I detest Officer haters. You speak bad about the police in front of me and you have now got your hands full. Those ladies and gentlemen have more balls than the rest of the cry baby world.

I promise something more sexy next time. Just had to get some shit off my chest.

Later Perverts....

Faith