Burying the Lede

Three days ago I ended my enema hiatus. Having run out of the samples from the gastro doc, I was back to being constipated. Since I had an upcoming appointment, I figured an enema or two wouldn't affect the search for an effective treatment. While Miralax works, it upsets my stomach and causes distress in the lower tract.

I filled my three quart combo bag with a solution of peppermint soap and warm water and attached my FR30 colon tube for my first enema in three weeks. Once comfy, I inserted the tip of the tube a few inches and opened the clamp. As the warm liquid flowed I inched the slippery red tube further into my colon.

I usually need to pause the flow to permit the invading water time to dissipate, but not this time. I was able to fully insert the colon tube as the enema flowed without needing to stop or adjust the tube. It felt wonderful. I did shut the clamp after two minutes and relaxed to enjoy those marvelous sensations I'd been missing. After a suitable pause, the remaining water filled me without incident or discomfort. The results, as anticipated, were very good. I felt wonderful the rest of the day, too.

Sunday mornings were when I did a retention enema with an abdominal massage. First begun as a way to enjoy a coffee enema. it evolved into a nice relaxing and sensuous way to take a slow enema. I thought it about time for another such session.

Usually I do this enema when I first get up in the morning. but this time it got delayed a few hours. The difference being that the delay meant that wifey would be fully awake for my massage. I got out the massage table and prepared the surface. Positioned the headrest and foot bolster and set the IV pole in place. I filled the red open top enema bag with a warm solution of baking soda and water, about two and half quarts all told. Other bits - lube, timer, screw clamps - placed at hand.

I clamp off the balloon tubes on the latex barium catheter rather than rely on the inflator valves to retain the air during the enema. I still manage to get Maximus lube on the rubber bulb during the insertion and pumping process. While I am fiddling with the insertion, wifey gathers the scented massage oil and some tissues.

When she is set I open the clamp and start the timer. As the warm liquid enters my colon she begins to massage my abdomen to push the water around and work out any incipient cramps. At the one minute mark I stop the flow and relax. We continue thusly as time passes. Every couple of minutes I open the clamp to increase the amount of volume in my colon. Through years of practice wifey knows just how to massage my belly to make it feel great. This enema session is going wonderfully. There is about a pint of liquid left in the enema bag. I open the clamp one last time to finish the enema. I feel full but not uncomfortable. The enema bag is hung low so it drains very slowly. Her hands glide over my swollen stomach banishing the thought of any cramp. I draw deep slow breaths and stretch out on the massage table.

Almost done. Feeling mellow and contented. No urge to go or straining to hold it. Bliss.

Then, horrible retching sounds from under the massage table. The dog is vomiting! Hands fly off my stomach as the last contents of the enema bag trickle down the silicone hose. Wifey rushes to the bathroom and grabs a wad of toilet paper. I close the clamp as the retching continues under the table. The mood is broken, then quickly shattered when wifey's gag reflex kicks in as she is cleaning up the extremely pungent, fresh ejecta from the carpet.

Will she sympathetic vomit? If she does can I hold the enema long enough to allow her to finish? My gut reaction is to respond as well. Gut reaction is apt. I tense my stomach muscles in anticipation of action when I hear the jarring sounds. A colon full of enema and a tense reaction do not make good company. I've gone from a airy state of pleasure to one of action, not good while holding an enema.

I roll off the table, grab the flat enema bag and head to the bathroom. Wifey held it together, thankfully. I hang the enema bag on the shower partition and sit on the commode. The distal screw clamp is released just in time. Wifey retreats to another part of the house to compose herself and pup gives me a, "What?" look as I void.

Despite the dramatic ending the enema was most enjoyable and the euphoria stayed with me through the entire day.