I returned to the BD/SM scene a couple of years ago, after a more-or-less forced absence of about a decade. My previous play-partner moved out-of-state and I didn't attempt to replace her due to among other things, no longer having weekends free.
In the intervening years the lifestyle moved from the shadows of perversity into the crepuscular light of tolerance. I literally dusted off the toy bag and joined a local group that offered plenty of social events to meet others seeking play partners.
As with most new endeavors, it took several months of false starts and frustration before I managed to meet anyone close to matching my criteria for a partner. Nothing clicked and I ended up adding to my collection of female, "friends only" coterie.
Then I met a woman who thought me interesting and wanted to get to know me. I arranged a public meet at a hotel bar convenient to her. We had drinks and shared some unremarkable bar food. I outlined what I was seeking in a submissive play-partner and she told me her experiences, which were very limited. We were also very close in age, and consequently, cultural background.
She surprised me when she informed me that she wished to have sex right away. To her mind, if we didn't hit it off in the sack, she wasn't interested in pursuing the play stuff. That was unexpected, but who was I to argue with such logic? A year and a half later, I have no clear memory of the first time we had sex, but I passed the test.
We met once a week for play. Rope bondage, flogging, hot wax play. Submissive service. She learned that most of the BDSM scene activities weren't satisfying her. The play component of our time together became less important. Sex became the focal point. Eventually I stopped bringing the toy bag altogether.
Fortunately I was paying attention and quickly figured out that her submissive side bloomed during our sex exploits. I methodically cultivated her trust. When we were in bed I was in charge and she was completely safe to let herself go. Week by week I advanced her training using my voice and touch to send her repeated over the edge of ecstasy. (The ED pills also contributed.)
The power to induce multiple orgasms is a great thrill to the Dom in me. The BD/SM world is a powerful one, and with great power comes great orgasms. The toy bag is once again dusty, however the condom tin is nice and shiny.