Tis the Season

Most who read my blog know that my favorite phrase this time of year is "Bah Humbug!" but this year I've been feeling frisky and festive. My outlook on life is mostly positive, my health is stable and my family is doing great. I think yesterday was my Black Friday and here's why. I went to Wally World to fill a few prescriptions and to buy some bedding for my new bed (Merry Christmas to me). I got my meds and went back to the front of the store to get a cart. I made a direct route to bedding, got what I wanted and then started heading to another part of the store. Here is where I will cut to the chase and share with you, dear readers, an open Christmas message I would just love to send:

"Dear Asshat,

Feeling particularly generous this year? I just bet you are since you made that sudden windfall of stealing my wallet out of my purse on Friday at 4:06 at Wal Mart. 'Tis the season to be jolly and I guess you will be. I hope like hell that you got what you needed in the time it took me to drive home like a bat out of hell to put the kibosh on the credit and debit cards. How do I know the time so precisely, you ask. Oh, did I not mention that loss prevention and the police have you on video committing the crime? My bad. Oh yeah, and that reminds me, when the police officer took the report, he asked if I would prosecute if they were able to apprehend you. I said "in a hot New York minute".

Thankfully, I don't carry cash in my purse so that's cool. But you just go right ahead and use those cards all you want. You won't get one skinny penny out of them and maybe, just maybe, a merchant will have a security officer in the store when you try to use one. To paraphrase Clint Eastwood, that would just make my day.

Thank you, whoever you are, for tarnishing what was becoming a really nice Christmas season. Thank you for reminding me (as if I needed reminding) that most human beings can't be trusted and that's why I love my dog. Oh, and one more thing, if you had your kids with you (because what better cover is there?), how dare you drag them down to your level. Shame on you!

Whatever makes you feel shiny and special! You have a super Christmas and a lovely New Year."

So, if I can say anything to my friends and co-conspirators here at Zity, for goodness sake, be careful with your valuables, your assets, and especially your families. I wish each and every one of you the Blessings of peace, joy, and prosperity. Season's Greetings to all!!