There's a pig in my kitchen!
My daughter and I put our heads together last week to decide what to have for our family Christmas dinner. They will be here on Christmas Eve for dinner and presents with Gigi (that's me in my vanilla disguise). They will spend Christmas Day with my son-in-law's family. They're nice folks, but there are 60 of them and that's just a little too much of a crowd for me to deal with.
Anywho, between Turkey Day and a family reunion, and Christmas with his family, they are just about turkey and ham'd to death. What to do? Last year I did a standing rib roast with all the trimmings, but that's a little outside the budget range this year. We had an ah-ha moment and decided on a center cut pork roast with roasted sweet potatoes and pears in a hard cider reduction. Very Food Network, I thought. Where's Anne Burrell and her rockin' skirt and haircut when I need her? Okay, so I start the search for a center cut pork roast at the local grocery stores. My request is greeted by looks of confusion by the meat-cutters. Since they profess not to have a clue what I'm talking about, I'm not going to elevate them to the rank of "butcher" because they are clearly not.
My daughter says "I'll call Corbett's (Meat Market) and see if they know what it is. How much should I ask for?"
"Oh, I think enough to feed six should be about right", thinking about enough for 3 adults on Christmas Eve, small portion for the 4-year-old and enough to make pork fried rice the next day. Lo and behold, Corbett's knows exactly what I want and they had it ready for pickup yesterday. My daughter and her husband went and picked it up and brought it to me.
THERE IS A PIG IN MY KITCHEN!! Well, maybe not the whole pig, but most of it. I don't need Anne Burrell, I need Guy Fieri and a hacksaw, maybe a little Michael Symon on the side. I thought I'd be getting six, maybe seven ribs, but noooo. The entire rib and back portion, including the tenderloin is sitting on the kitchen counter, taking up all the space (my kitchen is the size of a postage stamp). I wrangle it into the chill chest, figuring that staring it full in the face would present a challenge and I'd have to fight for my life. I'll tackle it after dinner, when I've had some caloric fortification.
Fast forward to 8 PM. The scene is me in my tiny kitchen, wrestling with this side o' pig. I have a long knife, a sharpening steel, a chisel, and a hammer. The knife goes through the meat like butter and I'm feeling optimistic until I run slam into the backbone. Ergo, the chisel and hammer. Eight or ten good whacks and I'm on the other side without too much loss of blood (mine, not the pig's, the pig's fine). Next time, remind me to tell the butcher to notch the space between the vertebrae.
Now there's a 7-bone roast in the freezer for Christmas Eve, a 3-bone roast for sometime later, and an almost boneless roast with tenderloin for my daughter and son-in-law to take home with them and put in their freezer.
I know, you're all wondering what LadyDoc is manufacturing for dessert. Gingerbread with optional lemon curd or whipped cream. I'll ring the dinner bell when it's ready. Just wash your hands before you come to the table.
StephenS 11 years ago
Let me know the next time you get a large cut of meat. My friend Tony and I just love to go to work with a cleaver and large knives and reduce the large cut to pieces which a home cook can appreciate. We have been known to set up a table outdoors in cool or cold weather to do this work with plenty of elbow room; (you do not want to be too close to a man swinging a cleaver.)
PS We do not eat too much.
Lady Teddy 11 years ago
That sounds like a wonderful feast! Like Mashie, I am amazed by your sheer variety of skills and now, I am adding cooking to the list. I hope that we all hear how the feast turns out. And, I am sure a lot of us would love to come over for Christmas Eve dinner. Alas, only if I were closer...
BTW, your pig adventures and small kitchen reminds me of, "Julia and Julie". I read the book as well as enjoyed the movie.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
skybear -N Florida 11 years ago
On second thought I ain't bringing my bone near any deranged lady with a bone chisel who obviously knows how to use it.
Have a great Christmas, enjoy the pig,
Mashie 11 years ago
To say I am impressed would be a gross understatement. I had no idea you were quite the chef too. Is there anything you can't do? Are you for hire? LOL. I can cook, or so I thought until I read a few of your "cooking ideas". I would not have even known where to start with that piece of meat, and I'm usually pretty good when it comes to hard meat, hehehe. Just kidding.
Merry Christmas to you and your family. Be safe, have fun, and most importantly, take care of yourself. You deserve it. And may next year be a little easier for you.
MissStress 11 years ago
Oh, I've bought one of those(Or something very similar) and was going to just take it home and cut it myself until the nice man behind the meat department counter(they are meat men here) held it up. I saw all of those bones and had him whack it in half. Roasted and tasted very nicely. Though not quite on the food level of your ladydoc, though yours does sound so tasty too. Happy Holidays to you and all of those you hold dear. *hugs
ladydocisin 11 years ago
skybear, if you are bringing the alcoholic beverages, come early and stay late. I think I'll need all the help I can get! Thank goodness for that bone chisel, it'll be next to the carving platter next Saturday night, rest assured.
skybear -N Florida 11 years ago
I have one question, What time should we show up?