My wife and I are "switches". In addition to (nearly) daily vanilla sex, we give spankings and enemas and take rectal temperatures, among other things.
We do not like it "hard", we do not feel like BDSM. We are just an ordinary couple with a fascination for fun with the rear end.
We live in France near Paris. I'm French, my wife is American.
We'll also discuss childhood events that, we think, induced certain of our fantasies.