I'm writing this so that I don't have to explain each time about how started using them, my early experience of wearing diapers and anything else that someone might want to know but was afraid to ask.

I think that I need to qualify couple things. One thing is that diapers are not just for babies, there for people who need them or others that feel the want to use diapers as a relief from the stresses of everyday life. I am not an adult baby or a diaper lover. I'll also express that I'm CHASE meaning that I do not believe in homosexuality or adultery or any sexual fantasy about diapers. I love my wife and would do nothing jeopardize my marriage, I will not bring references to God into this document because if a person quotes a part of a scripture and not the whole chapter or book it might mean something completely different then if I quoted just a part or if it. Or if I quote something and the meaning is wrong and someone else could bring up another scripture that is different than mine where I could also contradict them with still another scripture, so no scriptures.

I believe it's a shame when I see parents threatening their children with diapers as a punishment for misbehaving or for having problems with the control of their bowel or bladder either in the night or at anytime,(especially when they are referencing it to being a baby),; I was, and this made my life miserable when they were the best alternative for my active life style, since using a catheter would mean that I would also need a collection device such as a leg bag to hold the urine. Remember I lived an active life style by bicycling, playing racquetball, running and other sport activities where a collection device would get in the way; the catheters would also rip my skin off no matter how long I tried using them,(the qualification is letting my body get use to them), especially when I have an active life style before I became more sedimentary. I believe that children and adults should view diapers as something that be needed and should be used with love and not ridicule. That the children or adults should not feel that because they have problems with the control of their body functions the wearing diapers does not make them a baby in anyone's eyes.

It seems kind of funny about our memories that we have when we where babies some memories are there and not forgotten but actually do exist. I guess my earliest thought about diapers was when I was an extremely young baby and my mother was putting me to bed, I remember having a bottle and that she was changing my diaper; it seems kind of weird to have that kind of memory but I do. Maybe this was just my imagination or maybe it is true.

My next encounter about diapers was when I was about two and a half years old and my mother was potty training me she spanked me and made me sit on the toilet for a while; she put a new diaper on me and redressed me and sent me back out to play. My cousin who lived next door to us was exactly one month younger than I was; we were both outside where she was hugging me and trying to make me feel better.

The next time that I remember diapers was when I was about three and one half or four years old; I guess I must have been a bed wetter all this time because I remember waking up wet all the time. My mother was taking care of some one else's baby and there was a crib in the master bedroom. One night my mother gave me a bath and took the two of us, the baby and I to the master bedroom. One to get changed and put to bed; and as to what I thought for me was just to get dressed for bed. She told me to go to the other room and get two diapers; I thought it was strange to get two when one was all that was needed but I did as told and gave them to her. She proceeded to change the baby's diaper and put her to bed.

During this time I must have been naked, this must not have bothered me since I was so young, and this was a normal thing to do with children of my age. I remember after this was done she unfolded the other diaper and told me to get on, of course I cried because I was told throughout my life that diapers were for babies. I got on the diaper and spread my legs out because I knew how diapers were on, I actually remember crying an awful lot at this time because of being put into a diaper. My mother told me I see you still know how to do this, (meaning how to get diapered), and she pulled the diaper up between my legs it was a different feeling but I remember this feeling to this day. This is a time when disposable diapers were just coming out any they needed diaper pins to hold the diaper on. They did not have tapes on disposable diapers when they first hit the market; of course she put baby powder on me, which added to my embarrassment. After she did this she stood me up and put a T-shirt on me.

Since she put the diaper on me while I was on the master bed I was able to see myself in the mirror after she stood me up; I remember looking in the mirror seeing myself and not liking the baby look; that look made me feel even worse. My mother then asked me to go say goodnight to everyone in the living room; she told me that she was going to hold me and that nobody would know that I had a diaper on, I knew better, I guess I would have gone out there and said goodnight to my father but my uncle was there and I was sure that he would say something about the diaper and make some joke about it. So needless to say I refused to go out and say goodnight to anyone. To add to my embarrassment I was forced to go to bed at the same time that the baby did, and because there was plenty of room in the crib she put me in the opposite end crib, I knew that cribs were strictly for babies! My bedtime was about half an hour latter and I remember making a fuss about having to go bed at this time, my mother told me that all babies go to bed that this time, this infuriated me. I started kicking when she put me down in the crib. She told me if I did not stop kicking that she would give me a spanking and a spanking meant a spanking, which I knew, would hurt so the threat of being spanked was enough to make me stop.

The next thing I remember was getting up in the morning and climbing out of the crib. I remember looking down and seeing that I had a diaper that was wet and for some reason I was glad my mother had put me back in diapers so that I wouldn't be wet any more. For some reason it must not have bothered me to be put back in a diaper for the first time in quite a while, even though my sister and cousins were playing in the living room where I also went to play. I must have been in diapers for quite some time after this both in the day and night for a long time because I remember her changing me during these times.

The embarrassment of wearing diapers must not have been there anymore since I remember my mother dressing me to go out and do the normal shopping and stuff like that. I don't think that the diapers showed much if at all when I was that young and out to the places we went. I know that they were cloth diapers most of the time. I suppose that some time latter I must have stopped wetting my pants and bed since I was out of them by about the time I was about five and a half.

One of my cousins wore diapers at night because I remember seeing him get changed on the living room floor when they stayed over at our house. I never did tease him or say anything about this to him even though we were both about ten at the time, I do not know why I never teased him or said anything to him about the diapers. I guess I considered that he had a problem and I accepted it as normal.

What I am trying to say is that parents should not use diapers as a punishment or the threat of being put into them for any reason what so ever because this makes things very hard for children and adults later on in life when they are confronted with control problems and need to wear diapers again. Just think of all the names that manufactures' call diapers just so that the name, "diaper", isn't used.

I was in the Marine Corps Air Wing for about nine years. After about two and a half years after my enlistment I married, it was about this time I was starting to experience bladder control problems, along with a few bowel control problems. I attributed this to strain from working on some heavy equipment. I thought that this would go away in a short time. In order to conceal this problem I would wear a very thin diaper when stationed at home and would starve myself when out on board the ship or away from home; it was nothing for me to loose 30 to 50 pounds during these times, because I was to embarrassed to seek medical attention. I believe because of the thought of having problems like this and using diapers, that I was the only one with this sort of problem. At home I refused medial attention even though I fell off an airplane once and hurt my neck about midnight that caused me to loose all of my feeling and the ability to use my arms and legs for about twenty minutes. I my feeling and enough strength came back enough so that I was able to use my arms and legs again, but my strength still wasn't all there for a long time. My neck hurt to the point where I could not hold it up correctly and my physical strength was very weak. This problem lasted for about a month; I was still able to do the work that was assigned to me. My neck problem happened about a year and a half before the end of my enlistment. I finally regained my normal strength. As it turned out instead of getting better my bowel and bladder control got worse; I was very lucky that my wife accepted the problems I was having. This took an extreme toll on my mental state of being.

I couldn't understand why sometimes my stamina and strength did not seem to be like it should be and yet other times the power that I was used to was there. I didn't know that anything physical was wrong with me; I also experienced mental swings such as almost laughing at times when something serious happened and at other times I would almost cry when something funny happened. I had behavior problems where I would be aggressive with very little provocation from other people.

All of this time I was still experiencing the control problems with my bowel and bladder. I still attributed my loss of control problems due to physically working on heavy objects.

I was offered a job working with a well-known company. So at the end of my enlistment in the Marine Corps I chose to work with this company. Although I was given a physical when I left the Marine Corps I didn't tell the doctor about my control problems because I still believed that they were caused by physical stress that would go away. I did not know that I had multiple sclerosis at this time.

Even though I was still experiencing the bowel and bladder control problems, I passed the physical given by the company Dr. before being hired, I didn't lie on any forms which I filled out because I truly believed that things would get better.

I was still on terminal leave from the Marine Corps, (this is because I had more vacation time saved up than I had time left to cover my days in the service), I started having visual and dizziness problems due to multiple sclerosis which I didn't know I had at the time. At the urging of my wife I went to the doctor to find out what was wrong. I still didn't confide in the doctor about the problems I was having with my bowel and bladder control, this was because I was too embarrassed to say anything. Throughout all this time I played racquetball and rode a bicycle over 50 mi. every day.

My worst fears were that someone would find out all my diapers; these fears caused me to have nightmares about somebody finding out. It seems that each time that we go to see the doctor that the symptoms I was having always disappeared; I guess that I am not alone with things like this happening. It seems that a person could be running 103-degree temperature just a couple hours before seeing the doctor but once the person walks into the doctor's office that temperature reverts back to normal and a person wonders what they're doing their. The doctor examines the person and can't find anything wrong him or her. As soon as soon as the person leaves the office their temperature rises and they feel bad again. This is what happened with me in that the doctor would examine me find nothing wrong. One day I was reading my bicycling magazine about a person who had multiple sclerosis and each symptom that was described in the magazine fit me to a "T ", and this was not my mind over exaggerating about what I read. I then went back to the doctor explained what I thought I had; my doctor set up an appointment with a neurologist; and all of the symptoms I was having with my eyes and the dizziness disappeared the couple days before I saw him. He examined me and found nothing wrong; my reflexes and vision was normal. Of course a few days later the symptoms started up again. Again I went back to the neurologist and he still couldn't find anything wrong with me. My wife called the neurologist and told him about my control problems; the neurologist set up an appointment with an urologist. He examined bladder couldn't find anything organically wrong with me. It was about this time that my walking and speaking started to deteriorate; the neurologist set up an appointment to have a CAT scan done on me. The doctor that did the CAT scan asked me if I knew what they were looking for, I said yes and he told me that although he could not tell me directly abut the results of the scan that what I thought it was, was right. He told me that my neurologist would speak to me about the results, my neurologist confirmed these results over the phone and gave me no support or told me about any organizations to help me.

I was still able to work with this company even though the problems were increasing. Is still road a bicycle back and forth to work and played racquetball along with other types of physical activities. I seemed to be physically fit for the most part except for that bowel and bladder control problems. I would wear a thin disposable diaper in the racquetball court; and nobody seemed to notice. When I would go to work I would wear thicker diaper to absorb the urine in any possible bowel problems. Since I rode a bicycle I had a bicycle bag that I kept a spare diaper to change into at lunchtime. I always made sure what bicycle bag was zipped up and put away.

Still nobody in the shop that I worked in knew about my control problems; except for my speech and walking that was getting worse as time went by. One day unbeknownst to me one of my co-workers went into my bag and told everyone about the diapers I had in my bag. About two weeks latter while working on some equipment I told two of my best friends at work about these problems; they told me that they knew about the diapers. When I found out that this person had done this thing I was upset with him; although I did not bring this to the attention of my superiors, they gave him two weeks to find another job not do the fact that he had gone into my bicycle bag but that his job performance was very poor.

So my worst fears were open and much to my surprise my friends accepted my problems it was only the jerks in my shop that joked about me behind my back.

The company that I work for wanted to speak to me long before this had happened. I kept finding excuses not to see her because of my workload. One day my superiors told me to go see her "NOW" so I went to see her and we spoke about all my problems. Up to this time I was paying for the disposable diapers without reimbursement, the doctor at the company wrote out a backdated prescription for the disposable diapers that I was paying full price for. I received about a thousand dollars from my company due to this. So I guess my worst fears were belated and no one after this thought anything bad about this problem. Now I am able to speak to anyone having to wear diapers without the fear of being embarrassed.

It seems that every time somebody does something to hurt me mentally or physically I always wind up having good things happen to me.

Because the multiple sclerosis I started to get worse to the point where I needed a cane, I very much resisted this until the point that I knew I had to use this. About four or five months latter I needed to use Canadian crutches; I seem to accept this a little bit better because I knew I needed them. The Doctor for the company I worked for called my wife and told her that I needed a wheel chair. It was about this time that the wheel chair was a relief to me. Since I was in the Marine Corps the Veteran's Administration helps in obtaining any thing I need all my expenses are paid for.

I now use the V.A. for all my medical needs such as any kind of Doctor you could think of, and any equipment I may need.

More to come about 4 years worth and how some nurses try to make you wear a cath. Caths are bad for people eather the foly or external. I read that 1 out of 25 adults suffer from bladder control problems,(that is what is known, not what is projected). Why I can't understand that nurses have such a hard time with putting diapers on corectly, why nurses have such a hard time with cloth diapers, and what the proplem is with nurses about sometbing as simple as diapers. This should be only about 3 more pages worth.