It’s been a few weeks since I saw Doctor Henderson… I didn't have a reason to go back until yesterday but I’ll tell you about it in a bit.

First off I called my friend Liz a day after my check-up cause I knew she saw him a few days before me. She liked him, but not like I liked him. Same exam but I had to pull the details out of her, and asking your best friend if she got a finger in her butt is awkward… and she didn’t… she said she’d probably have cried if she did and I had to be like “It’s just awkward but not THAT bad.” but she said a man seeing her vagina was awkward enough. I said at least he is handsome and she was like “Ewe Gross!” so I don’t know… I just still feel mixed up in my head.

Mixed up in my head but feeling maybe a little more confident about myself? I DID buy myself a new swimsuit! NOT a bikini one.. But I had to trim some of the stray hairs around my.. you know… Just some trimming where my hairs were poking out. The next day though OUCH I had a nasty razor burn along my left bikini area. I found Doctor Henderson’s business card in my purse and gave him a call… I didn’t want to tell the receptionist what was happening, only that it was feminine… She said OK and let me come in that afternoon.

So I put on a nice casual dress, borrowed our car to go do some “shopping” and drove over without anyone knowing where I was really going. So waiting room and all that… Then I am called back and I am NERVOUS as all hell, my heart is pounding… Like what did I get myself into? And why didn’t this feeling hit me on the way over? Anyways he walked in… Just the two of us again… I’m still dressed and sitting up on the table.

“What brings you in today Clara?” he said to me as he sat on that little roller doctor stool

“Yeah well.. I got a new bathing suit and… Got some razor burn along where it meets my body..”

“That’s pretty common, I’ll need to take a look though.”

“Fine…” I said then I was just not thinking… I hopped down off the exam, just ummm hiked up my skirt and pulled my panties down to my knees. Pretty sure it shocked him but here I am just as shocked as soon as I did it, standing with my bush 8 inches from his face. Then he rolled away and put on some gloves… rolled back and his fingers were all in my bush and touched my lips for a second.

“You have some irritation also.”

“Yeah that just happens to me at this point in my cycle.”

“OK, well let's just have a closer look. I’ll be back with Karen the nurse. In the meantime,” he said, standing up and pulling a gown out of the drawer while I shuffled around in a circle to see what he was doing. “Put this gown on… You can leave your bra on but everything else off ok?”

“Yeah umm OK?” I was terrified and intrigued as to what would happen next. So again I am sitting there nervously swinging my legs when they both come in together.. And Karen walks over and swings out these metal things and pulls a few things out onto a metal tray. I have no idea what’s happening.

Sooo there he is telling me to scoot down while she puts my bare heels into those cold metal stirrups. I tried keeping my knees together as best I could then he tells me to let them fall open… and two people are just looking at my vagina! Then he clicks on a lamp! It’s under a spotlight and the warm feeling from the 100 watt bulb shining on my privates was… just weird…

So he’s sitting on his roller stool… I’m flat on my back looking up at a ceiling tile and he’s explaining EVERYTHING as he gives himself a grand tour of my vulva… He’s explaining how he’s touching every fold, every bit of “irritation” , every ingrown hair… “I’m just going to separate your labia, I’m just going to look at your anus, I am just pushing back here where your urethra is… I’m just going to push back the hood on your clitorus…” But everything looked normal, just was going to give me some cream for the razor burn…

I was starting to sit up when he said to the nurse “Can you pass me the small speculum?”

“What’s that?” I asked nervously enough that he stopped and walked into my view with this metal thing… Leaving me spread eagle with my vagina in the nurse’s face. So he showed me that “duck billed” thing he’s about to look INTO my vagina with? He showed me how it opened, that it shouldn’t hurt but might be a LITTLE uncomfortable… Bull… It was ICEY cold and then it opened up BIG… It was A LOT uncomfortable. Zero out of ten… He did something called a pap test and SCRAPED my cervix… I dug my hands into the table, but it was over quick.

So are we done now? OH NO! He is telling me he’s going to feel my ovaries and uterus… OK Fine… How is he going to do this? “I am going to out TWO well lubricated fingers in your Vagina and feel your abdomen with my other hand.” Did he just say he was going to finger me? I don’t even put my own finger there… Oh God he is fingering me… Deep! Then he’s pushing down on my left side, really deep, feeling for my ovary… Then the right side… Then he’s pressing all around on my uterus… Just pressure but I was being fingered! And it was NOT exciting. I didn’t panic cause he did explain EVERYTHING again.. What healthy ovaries feel like, that mine are healthy… Healthy uterus… So he’s done with that… Why is he changing gloves? Oh God did he just say he was putting a finger in both holes? Bare down what? Oh God he did! And felt up my uterus again cause I am something called retroflex… and he could feel the back of my uterus with a finger in my butt.

Karen the nurse helped me clean up a bit, and gave me a pad for any spotting.. But despite cleaning up I felt “oozy” all evening. What did I get myself into? It was all my own fault… The first night after I actually cried a bit… I didn’t tell my mom or sister what I did to myself…

Next night though… I had a dream… He was examining my breasts, that firm.. Manly touch… then had me in those stirrups again and those dark eyes staring at my vulva… in my dream and fantasy he said he really liked my breasts and vulva… and he just wanted to take the time to look at how pretty it was… I woke up so aroused… I looked at my clock… It was 3:00AM… I had some time to myself so I snuck into the bathroom.. Grabbed my hand mirror and explored myself again… I put my hair brush handle in my vagina… Not as cold and not as big… But then taking it out, I finally got up the courage to put a finger inside my own vagina.. It felt… Well not like I had expected… Then finally after a few minutes of just staring at it, I got the courage to put my finger in my butt… Does not feel the same when doing it to yourself… After that, well I needed to make myself orgasm again… I put my PJ’s back on and slept in late the next morning.