Dr. Jamie Andrews had the most peculiar patient schedule that day at his home clinic. Something was very off about the ghostly figure that appeared to him in the waiting room - a pretentious young woman with a tangle of dark hair and white dress. She introduced herself as Samara Morgan, a spirit from the world beyond the veil, here to make Dr. Andrews' life a living hell.

"Prepare to suffer, mortal!" Samara cackled. "I shall torment you every waking moment until you go mad!"

Jamie looked up from his paperwork and chuckled. "Oh? That so? Well, we'll see about that!"

But before he could get a word in edgewise, a sudden gasp escaped Samara's lips. Her face contorted in pain and she clutched at her midsection. "Oooh no...not again..." she moaned. "That damn cyst is acting up again! It's so...bloated and swollen and ready to erupt from my bottom!"

Jamie's eyes widened. "A cyst, you say? Sounds serious! Let's take a look, shall we?"

"No! You cannot!" Samara protested, but it was too late - she doubled over, still gasping, and before she could stop herself, she collapsed to the floor on all fours, her head hanging low. Her white dress, now bunched up around her waist, exposed her bare bottom completely. Her cheeks were a ghostly pale, jiggling as she shifted on the floor.

"Now now, let's have a look then," Jamie said, setting his cigar aside and rising to his feet. He rubbed his hands together. "Drop your drawers, love. No, not those ones, your ghost drawers! Yes, face that wall."

"What?! I mustn't! Please, I beg you!" she wailed, but it was too late. The doctor had already doused his hands in spectral baby oil and plunged them between her cheeks.

Mortified, Samara flinched from the cool touch. "Oh my, what have we here..." Jamie muttered, face inches from her gauzy rump. "Looks like a nasty cyst, Samara me girl. I'm going to have to...extract it."

"Oh my..." Jamie whispered. "My my, what a predicament!" He came over and knelt behind her. "Now now, just hold still, Miss Morgan. We'll have this pesky thing out of you in no time flat."

Samara squeezed her eyes shut, face burning with humiliation as Jamie's hands probed her most private area. "Please...don't you dare look..." she whimpered, but Jamie was unfazed.

"Apologies, but I must examine the, ah...area of concern," he said matter-of-factly as his fingers probed the flesh of her backside. Samara yelped as he found the offending lump - round and tight and so swollen it made her pucker quiver. "There we are! A rather nasty looking cyst indeed. Quite...ripe and ready to burst."

He grabbed it between his thumb and forefinger and gave a firm tug. Samara howled, tears streaming down her face. Her ghostly body seemed to flare brighter in the light.

"Oooooh! Ahhh! Please, you're killing me!" She wailed and shook, her bottom jiggling with his every tug and pull at the cyst on her taint. The white mass bulged obscenely from her bottom, connected to her anus by a thin strand of dead skin. Jamie worked his fingers inside her, feeling the tight flesh stretch...

"Stop struggling," he tutted, fingers squelching in the dewy ectoplasm of her bottom. "That's it, nice and deep. I'm nearly..."

Suddenly, with a wet POP! The cyst came free, spraying foul pus across the waiting room floor. Samara shrieked and collapsed, sobbing in relief. Jamie held the oozing blob up, examining it. "My my...that was quite the nasty little thing! Feel better now, Miss Morgan?"

Samara pulled herself up on shaky arms, sniffling. Her ghostly body was sullied by a dripping hole in her bottom. "I...I...you..." She glared at Jamie, face blazing red. "You - you saw my...my bottom! You touched it! Oh, the humiliation!"

Jamie just shrugged and tossed the cyst. "All in a day's work, Miss Morgan. Now, are there any other...spiritual afflictions I might assist with?"

Samara glowered, tugging her dress down, covering herself. "I think we're quite through, doctor." She vanished in a swirl of air.

"You should be right as rain soon. Just remember - if there's one thing I've learned in this world and the next, it's to always trust a doctor's judgment. Especially when he's rummaging about your backside."

And so came an end to the haunting of the unflappable Dr. Jamie Andrews. Little did Samara know - his next patient would be an even sorrier creature - a snot-nosed specter named Kayako! But that, my friend, is a story for another day...