Over the last week I’ve been working relentlessly hard restoring the plumbing for my house. This has been a particularly taxing job because it’s meant that my only access to water has been a tap at the far end of the garden, requiring me to tow the dishes there in a cart and shower under a hose. I’m tired and worn out. I feel dependent on myself for everything and wishing there was someone else to support me, hold me, ultimately take care of me and tell me I am doing well. Alas, I have chosen a rural life and the nearest people live several miles away, the nearest available woman presumably much further. My back aches from contorting myself into strange positions to connect stray pipes and my shoulders are heavy and abrasive. I am covered in dirt and cobwebs and grime.

Deciding I’ve done enough for the day, I wriggle out of the crevice between the basement walls that I’ve been wedged in for a several hours now. Flicking off my headtorch and unbuckling my belt of spanners, I unclip the drill from my trouser pocket and lay all the tools out on an old Victorian chest of drawers that belonged to my grandmother. Goodness, I think, she would be shocked to see her granddaughter getting herself dirty like this. … to be honest there’re other things about me that would shock her far more than that.

Coming up the stairs to the hallway, I kick off my boots with some difficulty (why did I do the laces to tightly?) and rip off the velcro running down the chest of my overalls, shaking them off as well. They’re left in a slumped pile by the door. I sling my hose over a shoulder and scoop up my towel and soap with the other hand. Time to plod down to the tap. The weather has been kind to me and it’s just mild enough to survive a cold shower. I plug the hose on the tap and turn it on. Cold water gushes from the other end, which I’ve attached a shower head to. It’s bitterly cold. So cold that I can see goosebumps prickling wherever the water’s scorched me. I persevere. The hair is the worst bit, it feels that you’ve been gripped in a vice when the liquid ice seeps through to the scalp.

Eventually, after scrubbing myself silly, I’m a little raw but clean. I scuttle back up the garden with the towel around my head. The sun against my skin feels so caring, and I stop to let my body appreciate her rays. My whole body has been tense from the cold but I can feel her relaxing as the sun gently probes her. My muscles ache and as I roll my shoulders back I can feel them crunch down my back. I look down and notice my nipples are hardened rocks atop the small stiff peaks that my boobs have sharpened into. Further down my abs are almost visible down my stomach. So irritating that no matter how much I train, they’ve never shown more than this. And below, my fiery woodland of pubes, untamed and in flames, they always seem disappointed that I don’t have time nor energy at present to ignite the passionate grotto they shield.

I take a moment to breathe deeply and stetch my arms around in a big circle, shaking off the towel from my head. I’ve warmed up again now and have allowed myself to be present in the sun. I throw my hands down to touch my toes, which I can barely do I’m so stiff. Spreading my legs apart, I alternate between touching my left and right foot until I begin to relax my lower back. I reach down and plant my hands on the grass between my feet and hold. As I maintain the position, I notice how, with my back to the sun, my anus is fully exposed to her warmth. I can feel soothing energy radiate along my spine and legs from my arse as she revels in this rare dose of vitamin D. I hardly want to move but my arms are beginning to ache so reluctantly I roll myself up and shiver as I do so. It feels as though the soothing waves have gathered momentum so that there is now a static buzzing in my body. Reaching down again, I feel deeply warm as the energy builds. The back of my left thigh twitches.

Right, I think after my 20 second hold, this needs addressing.

Listening to my body has always been important to me and right now she’s asking for care, I can feel it. I’ve neglected her too long and it’s time she got a pampering. Heavy under the weight of my tiredness I plod upstairs to my bedroom and open my draw. Picking up two bags and a blanket, I stomp back outside. Laying my blanket on the grass in the sun, I kneel down and open a bag. Donning the pair of gloves I squeeze a dollop of lube onto my index finger. After briefly debating which position to take, I opt for lying on my back. So, pulling my knees up, I start drawing little circles around my anus. Gently, I let my index and middle finger flick back and forth as if to tease her, when will I come in for a visit? As I feel her begin to tighten with anticipation I remove my hand, causing my whole body to tense with disappointment. The feeling is almost painful. Returning, I am more kind. I can feel she’s open for me so I plunge right in and sigh deeply. Oh this is amazing. My whole body seems to rise to greet the visiting hand as I push against myself in a craving for deep, containing penetration.

I add another finger and maintain the pressure but it’s still not enough. With the sun winking down on my, I use my other hand to rummage through the bag to find my favourite plug. I saved up for this one for about 6 months and after all that it was reduced in a sale, such is life. It took me a long time to find exactly what I was looking for: long, thick, and bulbous but with no resemblance to anything a man may have on his person. It has two, maybe three actually, vibrators that I can control from a little wireless clicker thing, and the end is a T bar rather than a round stopper: meaning it sits snugly between my cheeks and almost feels like I’m being held there by someone. I love it.

Reluctantly I let my fingers fall free but before my body can moan too much, I breath out and gently ram the plug into place. I can feel my anal muscles caress and explore her on the way in, deeply curious of their new visitor. As it slots into place I feel so calm, so centred, so right. My insides recognise the old friend and are pleased. I sigh deeply again. Time for a nap.

It's a habit I picked up as a teenager and one of my favourite things. After setting the timer on the controller for 30 minutes, I roll myself up into a little blanket cocoon and close my eyes. Utter bliss. My body is alive with expectation but so soothed by the visitation of the plug that she settles and it’s not long before my dreams take over.

It’s funny, I sucked my thumb until quite a late age, and it wasn’t until I discovered plugs that I was able to stop the practise. There is something so soothing about being able to grip onto something and I can feel my sphincter gently pulsating around the toy in much the same way that my mouth would around my thumb. I feel so safe and cared for by myself.

A gentle rumbling nudges my abdomen as I’m lulled back to life. I feel myself tense and relax as the rumbling builds and subsides. The feeling is wonderful and my body responds my rising and falling with the rumbles as I straddle the line between wakefulness and sleep. The rumbling intensifies and I start to become aware of a pressure in my bottom. I’m still too sleepy to recall what it could be but it’s growing. I feel slightly panicked but I tell myself not to worry. The pressure grows as the rumbling increases in speed and frequency. I’m feeling slightly overwhelmed now as my body is shaking gently all over as she rolls to the rhythm. A gentle buzzing begins along my perineum which suddenly tenses my groin. Oh my goodness. This feels so good, what is this? I push away thoughts that I should be fixing the plumbing and submit to the waves that are washing over me. My back is arched as my groin has tensed around the now very intense buzzing, while the rumbles continue to instruct my breathing as the ebb and flow.

Just as I begin to feel a pressure grow, the momentum stops. My vulva has started pulsing gently by this point and I can feel that my thighs are more than slightly damp from her excitement. I hate that I know that I enjoy this. I’m full of static and my rectum aches with energy to be released. I remember now that I must wait until the vibrations restart. So so difficult. I try to lie still. I’m strict enough with myself that my body lets me down, I will not give her the release she’s craving. I lie still and wait. I slow my breathing. It’s nearly impossible not to touch myself and the plug now feels very heavy and almost unpleasant in my arse. I feel stifled and claustrophobic in the tight rolls of blanket and I can feel every one of my aching muscles tensing and waiting. I feel awful. I feel grumpy and irritable. I feel impatient.

I make myself lie there and focus on my breathing. This is part of being kind to myself, I think, this is what I need. I begin to simmer down. I begin to feel swaddled by the blanket and held and supported by the plug again. I can feel myself settle. I resist the urge to touch myself and focus instead on the sun shining down on me. The rising contentment returns as I turn onto my side and rest.

The toy has a setting I was particularly thrilled by, where you can program in a pause for a random amount of time between 5 and 45 minutes. I love the anticipation it builds and the self-control it demands. I know I must return to my nap. I know it’s what I need and owe myself. I start to drift reluctantly off to sleep.

An tingling wakes me this time along my tate as I feel the high buzzy vibrations kick in. I’m jolted awake this time and caught short for breath as the tingling increases in intensity rapidly. I can’t help myself as I gasp and moan: sitting up to grind on the toy. Oh my, fuck fuck fuck. I grip the grass between my fingers to hold onto something as the rumbling starts and stops in a jolty fashion. It’s sharp and intense and I feel overpowered by it all. The pressure in my rectum is so so good and I feel warm and I feel good and I feel like I can’t really think of anything to say it’s such a good feeling and … and … I spasm forwards and fuck me. Fuck me that was a good orgasm. Everything is so intense I can hardly cope. The toy doesn’t know I’m cumming so keeps right on which leaves my paralysed in pleasure that’s so profound it strays into pain. I think I scream but I can’t be sure as my anus pulsates around the plug and my vulva contacts, empty, next door. Eventually I gain enough presence of mind to look for the clicker, turning it off when I find it. On second thoughts, I turn it back on to it’s lowest setting and allow myself to cum again over the surprising gentleness of the deep internal rumbling. Fuck me. Ow. Oh this is sublime.

I try to catch my breath and wind down without turning the toy off. Want my body to relax enough to feel this sensation, rather than converting it straight into pleasure. I focus on slowing my breathing and lie back down. I turn to my stomach and clench my buttocks. The grass helps. I can tell my body wants to rise to another orgasm and I tell her no. I tell her to calm down. She doesn’t want to listen. I threaten to turn off the toy. This gets her attention. She slowly starts to relax despite the vibrations. I can tell that she’s doing her best but that she’s not totally committed to being passive right now. I decide to make things harder for her so I turn on the buzzing handle (only on low mind you).

My body jolts once, kind of like a seal as I’m on my front, and then apologises and I focus deeply on the stalks of grass in front of me. I breathe deeply and touch my right nipple. I’m pushing myself and I want to make it. I focus on staying calm and absorbing the ripples of my last orgasm that are still shooting through me. I focus on staying calm. I roll onto my back and run my hand up and down my torso. My hips start to thrust subtlety, so I take both hand and hold them down. I focus on staying calm.

I’m starting to build a new kind of arousal, I feel it so deeply and almost spiritually. I feel the rumbles of the toy reverberate through my body, mixing with the orgasmic ripples as I keep myself still and absorb it all. The plug becomes an anchor to me as my sphincter grips it tightly to maintain control despite it’s teasing. Fuck me this is hard. I turn up the rumbles to a higher setting and feel my breath catch in desperation but I must remain calm. Fuck. Oh I can feel it building. Uugghh please, I plead with myself. I am kind and supportive, but I know what’s best for me. I turn off the toy. Begging is so unattractive.

With the silence and stillness in my body now, I feel so connected to the world. I lie there in this state of hyperawareness and listen to the birds singing and the leaves of the trees. The plug is starting to ache again and my anus makes an attempt to eject it, which I block, lowering a hand to hold it in place. Patience, I tell myself, you must wait. I feel so alive.

I slip a finger into my vulva and feel how warm and wet she is. She feels glorious. I reach up to my left nipple with my other hand and pinch it slowly but intensely as I probe my G spot. Ugh this feels so good. So good. My body thanks me for my generosity as I build and drop the pressure in my vulva and on my nipple simultaneously. My anus is starting to protest that she has been plugged for too long but no one is listening, everyone is focused on my vulva and nipple. We’re going to do this three more times, I tell my body, before you can release. I go through the rhythm once. I pause. I repeat it a second time. I pause. As I am palpating my G spot a third time I slip my thumb over my clit and feel a deep clenching as a gush of steaming hot liquid shoots from my groin. I’m panting now. I feel immense. I need to wash this blanket. I let my anus release the plug which easily slides out of me. I cannot move. I am still and exhausted and so content. The sun has intensified, and I feel loved.