Tahiti, French Polynesia.

July. Dry season. A sunny afternoon at the back of a beach in paradise.

It was supposed to be a day like any other during the long winter break, when the kids were out of school and there were no teachers to tell them what to do, no homework to bring home, and no grades to stress about. When everything was about fun, waking up late, eating ice cream and playing with your cousins. When the best memories happened, the ones that stick in your mind.

Ahuura was six at the time, about to enter elementary, already a curious child reading up on mythological stories in books. Teheiura, having just turned twelve, was relieved not to have to deal with his on-and-off bullies for one long month and a half, and praying that winter break never ended. Their oldest sister Heimana was still here: at seventeen, she was about to embark on her last year of high school, working hard. She would go into a field that she’d end up walking out of in her mid-twenties and going back to university, this time in metropolitan France, in her late twenties. Their oldest brother was already out of the fenua. Ahuura did not have many memories of him at all during that time, and due to spending little time together even as he would come back every now and then as she grew up, they were never really close.

Their father was not here that day. He was on a work site in Moorea. Their mother Poerava was here, however, as well as her two sisters Teora and Vaiana, the latter twenty-two weeks pregnant with twin boys. While Teora would never go on to have biological children but was a wonderful caretaker for her nephews and nieces, Vaiana already had a two-year-old daughter, but this little cousin was of no interest to Ahuura, who wanted an equal to talk and fool around with.

A two-year-old was just a baby. It couldn’t comprehend all that she wanted, nor follow her rules, nor even talk properly. The two cousins would grow closer as time went on, but for now the little one was, for all intents and purposes, completely useless.

“She’s little, be patient with her!” auntie Vaiana would say. “She’s not yet old enough to understand!” After a while, Ahuura had grown a bit tired of trying to adapt to a toddler’s mind and preferred going back to the company of her older brother. The two had been soulmates at first sight anyway. It was no secret that out of all her family members, he ranked first in her order in her heart besides her mother.

Teheiura was throwing a skimboard along the shore, failing miserably at remaining on it for more than a few seconds before eating a mouthful of black sand. It didn’t matter how many times he’d try: he’d always wind up falling off and planting his face in the waves. Of course, that was very funny to both of his sisters, who laughed heartily.

“When it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work,” Heimana had remarked. “Maybe you should stop and accept you suck at it.”

“I’ll get the hang of it, sis”, Teheiura had replied to her. “It doesn’t matter if I eat the whole beach, I’ll figure it out.”

“Can I try?” Ahuura enthusiastically asked.

“Sure, come here! I’ll show you…”

The board was too heavy for her, but Teheiura threw it and ran alongside his sister. Ahuura jumped on it and just like her brother, she fell down into the water, hitting her face on the wet sand. Of course, he was almost panicked and lifted her up, fearing she had injured herself.

“Are you okay?” he kept asking her. “Are you hurt?”

But Ahuura was not even shedding a tear.

“Try again?” she suggested with a beaming smile.

He went back to fetch the skimboard. They went at it for a few more minutes until the little girl decided to go back to her mom and aunties’ side for a while. Meanwhile he kept trying, probably still unsuccessfully, to master this art he was so determined to get right. In the end he never did and the board ended up in Teora’s shed.

Delicately warm, that was how Ahuura remembered her mother. Gentle, unassuming, nurturing to a fault, and definitely louder when having had a little too much to drink. Loved to swim. Not only that, but Poerava was also a beautiful lady. It was truly from her that Ahuura got her finer features and luscious hair, as opposed to their more robust and broader-faced father. Growing up, she would end up looking more and more like her mother, except a little lighter-skinned and definitely bigger-boned.

The thing that Poerava had not given her youngest daughter, however, was the asthma that had followed her since her earliest childhood. It came and went, but sometimes the flare-ups were spectacular. Ahuura was used to witness her mother coughing and sometimes struggling to breathe. She would also often see her use this blue-green L-shaped thing whenever she would get a bit wheezy or when an attack would sneak up on her, particularly after exercise, after experiencing too many emotions, or when there was too much humidity in the air. The one big trigger though was when their father was out of the house for more than a few days. There was also a second one, red or reddish-brown in colour, it was a bit unclear in her memory, that she would use several times a day most of the time.

Ahuura remembered particularly one time when she had wanted to try it to see what happened to her own body, but Poerava had said, “Honey, this is not a toy, such things can be poison if you don’t need them.” Frustrated, the little girl resigned herself: indeed, if it’s poison, it’s better not to play with it. If you play with poison you might die. To die is to never ever see your family ever again, and maybe not see anything, at all, anymore. Avoid death, don’t play with it.

Not expecting what was soon going to happen, she had sat close to her mother, who caressed her hair tenderly.

“Are you having fun, my little bird?”

“Can we get ice cream?” Ahuura had asked. “Or maybe a snowball...”

“You can go get some with your brother or your sister if you want, or with Vaiana”, Poerava had replied. “Just ask around if anyone else wants it. You’ll make them happy.”

“Okay, mommy!”

The little girl then had excitedly gone to ask around if anyone else wanted ice cream. In the end, it was not one or two ice creams she’d buy, but four: one for her, one for Teheiura, one for Vaiana, and one for her little cousin. Heimana did not want any, preferring to relax under a tree, and Teora had already eaten some as a snack earlier.

Looking into her purse, Poerava had taken out a few 200 franc coins that she had placed into her daughter’s hand. Ahuura didn’t remember the exact amount, but it was certainly enough for four ice creams at the nearby place.

“Oh, actually, bring me some sparkling water too”, Poerava had said, giving her an extra one or two coins. “I’ll be swimming with Teora, so it’s good if I got one waiting for me! If there’s my favourite, take it. If not, just regular will do.”

Lemon-flavoured sparkling water was her favourite. At home, she would usually put a lemon slice in her water. It was something that she had also given her daughter.

“Right, mommy”, Ahuura had said. “We’ll be back in… five minutes?”

“Fifteen is a better bet, don’t rush yourselves”, she told her with a smile.

Teheiura was already there, soon to be followed by Vaiana and her little daughter. Poerava looked at him warmly, then gave Ahuura a kiss on the cheek.

“Be careful out there, look before you cross the road.”

Ahuura gave her a peck in return.

“See you later, mommy!”

She had no idea that it would be the last time she would ever kiss her mother.

The journey to the store was joyful. Ahuura was holding her brother’s hand and they were all talking together. It took them, however, a little bit longer to get back to the beach because Vaiana got caught in a conversation with the store clerk, as it was frequent for her to do so. Sometimes grocery trips would take hours because of that. Only Teheiura’s reminder that their mother was waiting got her to stop talking, and they were soon on the way back, eating their ice creams. They had even found a can of lemon-flavoured sparkling water, the only available variety besides the plain one.

But on the way back, a few minutes before they reached the beach, something felt wrong. It wasn’t in the taste of those icy treats, nor in the shape of the sparkling water can, or in any leak coming from it. It was not from the sky, either: there were no storms on the way and the sun was not blazing more than usual. It was as if the atmosphere itself had changed. Ahuura herself felt this feeling in the pit of her stomach, making her mildly nauseous, but she finished her ice cream regardless, assuming herself to be just hungry.

But when they arrived, she realized, albeit wordlessly, that it was no hunger that twisted her insides.

Poerava was sitting on her pareo, still wet from swimming, a hand pressed on her chest. The wheezes in her very laboured breathing left no doubt as to what was happening. Teora was staying with her while Heimana took the inhaler out from the ground. Teora helped her sister take another dose. She had already taken one or two.

Shocked, Teheiura rushed to her side and knelt there, trying to reassure her. Vaiana, staying back with her little daughter, attempted to hold Ahuura back from going, but she pulled herself out of her aunt’s grip and ran towards them, though completely unable to say a word.

“It overcame her when we were swimming”, said Teora. “We weren’t far from the shore, thankfully… but she started choking, and I had to carry her back…”

“Mom, are you alright?” Teheiura asked worryingly.

“I-”

Poerava coughed loudly and the breath she attempted to take after sounded like a terrifying gasp rather than an actual drawing of air. It was as if someone was crushing her chest with a large rock. For a split second her gaze met Ahuura’s: it looked as if she was trying to keep her composure while drowning. Asthma attacks were always scary, but this time, she seemed worse than any other time. Ahuura noticed that her lips were taking on a different colour: they appeared slightly purple, though that wasn’t uncommon when you had spent time in the water. But it was not the only thing that changed: her beautiful brown skin, too, was starting to turn greyer, duller than usual. It was subtle, but the little girl was noticing it.

“This isn’t working”, muttered Heimana, throwing the inhaler on the ground after yet another dose and getting up. “I’m calling an ambulance.”

“They better get here fast!” said Teora. “Come on, sister… you’re gonna be fine…”

Poerava attempted to speak again, but could not say a single word: all she could was try to breathe, desperately gasping for air, and started not even being able to hold herself upright. Ahuura watched as Teheiura helped his aunt hold his mother, completely paralyzed by the attack and almost caught in a haze. The little girl’s heart felt strangely numb, although she knew she was terrified. She wanted to cry, to say something, to even make a move, but there she was, completely frozen in place, having no choice but to take in this abominable sight.

Her daze was broken by Vaiana, who held her from behind and started to drag her away. Ahuura, upon feeling herself being restrained, started wriggling like a little worm in her arms.

“No!” she protested loudly. “I want to be with Mom!”

“Don’t watch, Ahuura!”

“I want to be with her!”

“Your mom isn’t doing well, she really isn’t!” cried Vaiana.

“Let me go!”

She freed herself yet again and ran back to the rest of the family. At this very moment, the emergency services came.

Three paramedics, all male, came out of the ambulance, one of them with a large red bag, and rushed to Poerava’s side. Heimana motioned for Teheiura to get up so she could take on his role. As soon as he was on his feet, he went to his little sister and pulled her away from the scene, though not restraining her like Vaiana was doing. He was shaking like a leaf. His eyes were wide open as if he had witnessed an explosion, and he looked at her, firmly holding her hand. She thought he would be bursting into tears right there: it was probably taking everything he had in him to keep a relative composure. This attack was no ordinary attack. No, it was so much more serious than that, and his young but already grown mind knew it.

Ahuura couldn’t remember what the paramedics were saying. Not even what her aunt and sister were speaking about, either. The sun and the waves had disappeared in her mind: the black sand under her feet was merely a blanket, and the blue sky just painting on the walls. Her attention was drawn by the injections they gave her, something that she did not remember the name of, but that seemed essential. By a beeping machine with numbers and moving curves that they hooked to her mother. By that thing they put around her arm and seemed to inflate. By the red bag, from which was coming a long piece of tubing. The paramedics were messing with something that she could not see. She could just trail this long, thin tube with her eyes, until she could see what it was connected to.

A slight hissing sound pierced the air. She saw them placing a mask over Poerava’s nose and mouth, securing it to her face with a green strap. Those beautiful, chiseled features of hers, hidden under the mask. It was connected to a pouch that was completely inflated, and said thing was connected to the red bag by the tubing. Poerava’s laboured breathing fogged the inside up each time every time she’d exhale, then clear it when she inhaled again. It was so forceful the very thing was moving.

In the midst of all this fear, all this chaos, all this terror, it was the one thing that drew Ahuura in. Forgetting her terror of knowing everything was there, she remained there, observing, for what seemed like an eternity. Inhaling, exhaling. The paramedics were talking about giving her a number of liters per minute. The mask’s shape over her face, leaving her exhausted and weakened eyes visible. The strap around her head, slightly pressing on her hair. But mostly, the fogging, the clearing. Again and again. It was clearly making it easier to breathe for her, but the three faceless men did not appear to be satisfied with what the machine was saying in spite of that. They were saying yet another thing that she could not wrap her head around. Those numbers on the machine made no sense, they were just there. It was too complicated for a six-year-old girl, even moreso when said girl was already lost.

“How does it feel to breathe with this on?”, a fragment of Ahuura asked itself without words, quietly breaking away from the block that was her personality.

The paramedics brought a stretcher from the ambulance, on which they lifted Poerava carefully, then wheeled her inside. Teora got up, her face all reddened and wet with tears. She would be the one coming with her to the hospital alongside Heimana. A few goodbyes later, probably, they left, but Ahuura did not even make a peep. She simply stood there, away from it all, and did not remember leaving the beach, at all.

Her next memory was in Vaiana’s home, where she and Teheiura were spending the night. Usually, Ahuura remembered it as something that had a lot of natural light, but as the sun was going down earlier than in summer, it had turned into a dark place, which only the warm glow of the lightbulbs were illuminating. Their uncle had come back from work and asked what was going on, and a tearful Vaiana recounted this terrible event that had just happened. Again, Ahuura did not recall the words that were spoken. All she remembered was the pregnant silhouette of her aunt that remained by the phone for a while, making several calls, but mostly waiting.

They had dinner at some point, though none of them was really hungry. Teheiura could not bring himself to eat more than a few bites. Ahuura did not even remember what they had that time: something told her that rice was involved, but it was so fuzzy it might as well have been pasta or an entirely different thing. In any case, nobody had eaten much, not even their usually their food-loving uncle, and their little cousin was unable to stop crying no matter how much her mother was trying to comfort her. Did she knew? Or was she in shock? Was she tired? It was impossible to know.

The siblings were watching some movie, probably from their aunt’s VHS collection, when *the* phone call came shortly after dinner. Ahuura watched as Vaiana picked up and almost immediately completely broke down in tears. There was not even any garbled sound on the other side yet, but she knew. And Ahuura did, too. At that moment, any kind of emotion left her for a moment, leaving her hollow, not quite knowing how to react. Teheiura got up from the couch and went outside in a hurry, and she thought that she heard him throwing up.

After several long minutes on the phone, Vaiana hung up, her eyes filled with tears. She went to her niece, crouched as to get down to her level, and hugged her tightly, so tightly she almost crushed her chest.

“Oh, sweetheart, sweetheart...” she sobbed uncontrollably, holding her. “I… oh how do I tell you that...”

“How is Mom?” Ahuura asked.

Her insides were burning again. Her heart, though, it was numb as a statue’s.

Vaiana looked at her in the eye. For a few seconds she could say nothing, but finally she broke the news, drained of life, in a barely audible whisper:

“Your Mom… she has left this world, sweetie.”