The next morning I was awakened by my sister kicking me in the shins.

“I’m not Gianni but I appreciate the cuddle.”

“Oh sorry Elizabeth.”

“Well thanks for squeezing into the same bed with me but you were dreaming his name. What time is it?”

“7:00…”

“I didn’t bring any spare clothes with me, I wasn’t planning on… I wasn’t planning on anything. What time do we need to see your friend.”

“Noon, he’s going to do you during his lunch.”

“Do me? Not my first choice of words.”

“Sorry sis, umm want me to get you some clothes? My treat?”

“Thanks.” she said, sitting up, putting on her glasses, and looking in the mirror. “God my hair.. It’s not curly and not straight it’s just…A mess in the mornings… I hate my hair.”

“Mom hates her hair to. I like it. It’s different, you can use my hair stuff.”

“You’re not masturbating with its handle I hope.”

“No, ummm…Sorry about that.. I washed it after use…”

“I hope so… Let me freshen up before we go anywhere… and I want a shower before we go there…Damn it…”

“OK I get it. Umm Elizabeth I promise it won’t be so bad.”

“No? I’m just really ashamed of myself.”

“The doctor won’t care, I don’t think it was a bad thing you did… he obviously really likes you and you obviously really like him.”

“When we were making out… Ummm I felt beautiful for the first time ever… I mean look at me, some pale skinny redhead with glasses. I mean geez I am barely a B cup, with ghost nipples.”

“I’m short and fat so…”

“No, you’re short and shapely like old pictures of gram… and some firm D’s on top… I opened his fly, Meghan… I hiked up my dress and pulled my panties off… I did this to myself… But I didn’t know what I was doing… It was out, then it was hard… and I was so scared of it… then we were kissing again and we… well you know… I just can’t believe I did that… I did it.. I don’t think he’d have whipped it out otherwise…”

“Come here Elizabeth… nothing opens till 10:00 want to get some more rest?”

“Please…”

I took my sister to Jordan Marsh in downtown crossing then after quickly stopping at my place to changed and for a shower we swung over to Doctor Dennis Benz practice, not far from the hospital. Being early Saturday afternoon I knew he was doing me a favor. He was usually open saturday mornings but was staying open later for me.

“Hey there Meg, is this your sister?” He said somewhat brightly, with a little surprise in his voice.

“Yes this is Elizabeth, and yes my sister, she looks like my mom and I look like my grandma.”

“Not a problem, genes do that sometimes. Well my nurse is just getting everything ready, when she heard it was for you she said she’d stay later.”

“Oh so it must be Marta? We worked in the ER together.”

“Yes, good memory. Well, have a seat and she’ll call you back when she’s ready.”

“He seems nice I guess…” My sister said sitting down next to me.

“Yes, I did my OB-GYN rotation under him.”

“I’m glad he’s older, i don’t know why I just am..” She said nervously rubbing her feet on the carpet.

“It will be OK… Do you have any questions? Do you know what to expect?”

“I’m soo nervous… Remember my friend Amilia? Our dad did her first one… She told me all about it… but our dad! How weird…”

“Remember my friend Ellie? Yeah dad did hers too…”

A few minutes later Marta popped out and called us back, making a stop at the scale.

“OK Elizabeth, can you take off your shoes for me and hop up on the scale? Oh you are a tall one 71 inches! And weight… 110 pounds… “

“Elizabeth is the better looking one and has height genes, our mom is 5’10” and our dad is 6ft tall… I didn’t and Elizabeth you weigh less than short me! Good for you!”

“Yeah but I have no figure.. OK what next?”

“Here into this room, sorry this is normally our procedure room so leg rests instead of stirrups, might be more comfortable though. Lets get your vital signs before you undress.” And after doing her vital signs “OK Elizabeth everything off and put this gown on, and here is a sheet for around your waist, do you have any questions?”

“No…”

“Are you ok there? It’s ok to be a little nervous…”

“Please can my sister stay? I am… I am terrified…”

“OK of course she can stay, what’s scaring you?”

“Everything! I… I,,, feel ashamed… of my body…”

“Oh don’t be OK try and relax and I’ll be back with Doctor Benz shortly…”

The door shut and I saw my sister jump a bit with the sound of the door latch… She stood there silently for a moment staring at the folded gown and sheet, then seeing her take a deep breath pulled her dress off over her head… Slowly, facing away from me she undid her bra, then I saw her panties fall to the floor with a little push..

“Oh God Meghan…. I’m naked!”

“It will be ok Elizabeth.” I said, reassuringly as she turned around to look at me.

“Will it? God look at me! I can’t get a tan, I barely have a shape, these boobs are small… and damn it the fire crotch is weird.”

“Fire crotch?”

“Red pubic hair silly… Oh God I just showed you my naked body.” she said spinning around quickly and pulling the gown on.

“You’re really pretty Elizabeth, you know that… and I haven’t seen you naked since you were like a kid.”

“Yeah a lot different now I bet.” she said hopping up on the table. “Is he going to do a breast exam?”

“Probably, why?”

“No man has ever seen my breasts before… ever…”

“Not even Adam?” I said with a wink.

“Oh NO! Like I said I didn’t take the dress all the way off… Like he wouldn’t like these anyways.”

“Be a little sure of yourself sis…” I said as there was a knock on the door and Doctor Benz and Marta came in.

“Is she staying too?” My sister said to Marta and the doctor.

“Yes Elizabeth, just to be sure everything is proper. I guess if that makes you uncomfortable I can have your sister look over my shoulder.”

“NO! God, my sister looking there?! NOOOO! Wait! She's going to watch?”

“It will be OK Elizabeth, I see all his exams.” Marta said calmly.

The first half of the exam went really well for my sister, she actually seemed to be calming down and Dr Benz has a very friendly deminer that seems to put everyone at ease. She was even smiling for a little with and a nervous giggle here and there until he was repeating her breast exam laying down. Her “ghost nipples” as she jokingly called them had become fully erect, and that only makes them more sensitive… He had been examining her breasts firmly and slowly, working his way to the center but being careful not to touch her areola, then when he gave them the little squeez to check for any discharge, Elizabeth nearly lept off the table.

“Oh God, I am so sorry… I just… never experienced that before.”

“It’s OK Miss Richardson, though I need to check the other one.”

“OK I know what to expect now at least…” She said slamming her eyes shut.

Her demeanor changed though, suddenly a lot more quiet and she reached out and started holding my hand as he was feeling her belly…Then in a very brave move on her part asked a question.

“Why… Why have I been late? Three weeks now? I.. haven’t menstruated.”

“Could be lots of innocent reasons, have you been stressed? Different diet?”

“Very stressed… Terrified I was pregnant, getting ready for finals, I barely have time to eat.”

“Any cramping or other issues?”

“Nothing more than my friends or mom ever had… maybe a little worse than Meghan, but not bad, I have been really gassy and bloated.”

“When you thought you might be pregnant, did you have any morning sickness?”

“Oh no, I felt just fine other than crying every morning because I might be pregnant.”

“Well, when did you first think you might be pregnant?”

“Right after he finished… inside me…”

“OK…”

“Stupid I know.. I am just stupid… You can say it I am a stupid girl.” My sister said, holding back some tears.

“No no no, you’re not! You were just confused, and scared…”

“Very… I wasn’t ready for sex…” she said, squeezing my hand hard.

“Well, sometimes people aren’t and you are mature enough to know that, and you came to your big sister, and she took you to see a doctor, and we can help you ok?”

“I guess…” My sister said squeezing my hand again. “My sister is pretty awesome huh?”

“One of the best. Well if you’re ready can I have Marta help you into the leg rests?”

“OK… I am…”

Marta helped my sister into position and Doctor Benz sat on the little stool between her legs and began the external exam… My sister stared at the ceiling as he was looking at her external genitalia and she let out an audible gasp when he pushed back the hood of her clitoris. Then squeezing my hand tightly looked over at me and whispered “this is so weird…” then taking a deep breath, “Is it normal?”

“Yes Elizabeth, and everything looks healthy.”

“It’s not.. Gross right?”

“No, it’s normal and healthy… I am going to do the speculum exam and pap smear now… OK?”

“Yes…”

My sister was squeezing my hand tightly with her eyes shut as tight as she could.

“Elizabeth, you are guarding really hard… are you ok?”

“No…” she said softly without opening her eyes.

“Want me to stop? We can get you that birth control script and have you come back in a few months?”

“No, just do it… Please… I am here already.”

“OK well take a moment, some deep breaths ok? I am going to use a smaller speculum ok? Deep breaths… Deep breaths… relax” She took deep deep breaths, eyes closed.. Then squeezing my hand harder than ever before I heard the doctor tell her “OK I am going to open it now…”

“OK..” then whispering to me “It’s so cold… and it hurts Meghan…”

“OK you might feel a cramp.”

“OWE!!! OWE!!! Take it out! Please please please!”

“OK Elizabeth, deep breath I am going to take it out ok…”

“I am so sorry… I am so sorry doctor.. Please I am sorry…”

“It’s OK Elizabeth, you probably had a muscle spasm but you did AMAZING ok?”

“OK… Ummm….” My sister said calming back down and relaxing her grip on me.

“I am going to do the bimanual exam now… that means I am going to put two well lubricated fingers in your vagina and feel your ovaries, fallopian tubes, and uterus with my other hand OK?”

“Yes… OK I am ready…” She said as his fingers started to enter her, at first she did great, even opening her eyes and looking at me, then suddenly she slammed them shut. “Owie.”

“What’s wrong you tensed up there Elizabeth? Any tenderness or pain.”

“I am just freaking out a bit…” She said suddenly “I just need a second…”

“OK that’s fine… why don’t we stop for the day then?” He said taking his fingers out.

“No… please let’s just finish…” She said, calming her breathing with deep breaths.

“I don’t want this to be uncomfortable for you, but your vaginal muscles keep having involuntary spasms… I just need to check your uterus… Your ovaries are healthy”

“I never even used a tampon! I never even put my own finger inside me… This is just.. Weird…”

“OK well, I can check somewhat rectally…”

“Yeah do that.”

“Do you know what that means Sis?” I said

“Not a clue…”

“He’ll need to put his finger in your bumm”

“Fine… Just do it…”

Now to my absolute complete shock my sister calmed down. I watched her toes curl as his finger entered her bottom but then she seemed to relax. I watched as he pressed on your abdomen with his other hand then as he was twisting her finger around came my absolute shock of the visit. My sister suddenly had a devious smile that she very quickly wiped off her face when she noticed I looked over at her.

As soon as Doctor Benz said he was finished my sister just about shot up,

“So like?” She said

“Like what?” Myself and the doctor said in unison.

“Like is everything OK? Can I get on the pill? Why does anything there hurt so bad? Isn’t it supposed to feel good to have things in my vagina?” My sister fired off in rapidly.

“Everything seemed healthy, not worried about anything. I think stress made you late, especially if you were so worried, and classes… it can happen but if you don’t have your period soon I’d like you to see me again. I think you’re experiencing vaginismus or vaginal muscle spasms. We are not sure what always causes it. Sometimes trauma, sometimes nerves, sometimes perhaps physiological.”

“So you’re saying it is all in my head?”

“Absolutely not Elizabeth, just anxiety about being touched can trigger it.”

“I was never traumatized… I… Well I am a very anxious person… Meghan here was such an overachiever… I had trouble filling her shoes… I mean she got into Harvard Medical School… Only studied, only did school clubs…”

“Elizabeth, you never had to measure up to me, you know that.”

“Yeah but when your older sister is a genius, being average just… ugg and yeah I was so scared of intercourse or sex… or anything like that ever since my friend Amilia tried a tampon… She said it hurt really bad and she broke her hymen… and her mom told her it meant she wasn’t a virgin anymore when she found out.”

“That's not what makes you a virgin Elizabeth, it’s just a convenient feminine hygiene product… Lots of virgins don’t have intact hymens for lots of reasons.”

“Well I am certainly not a virgin anymore… Adam… Adam took care of that… Wish it was better for him…I was afraid this would hurt like that…”

“Look Elizabeth,” The doctor said calmly “For many woman the vaginismus can go away on it’s own once you have had a chance to learn to enjoy each other intimately. Sometimes we need to try some other things… Right now why don’t we wait and see… and if it doesn’t improve we can try some treatments ok?”

“OK thank you doctor… Umm pills?”

“Yes of course I’ll get you the scrip written out, just know it takes about a month to start working.”

After that Elizabeth very quickly got dressed and we went back to my place.

“I just want to take a shower Meghan” my sister said to me. “I still got that stuff leaking out of every hole… it feels so wrong.. This whole thing felt so wrong… I hope I did ok though.”

“Elizabeth, you were the bravest person I ever met back there…. I am proud of you. Proud of how you handled everything.”

“Thanks Meghan, when is Kelly coming back? I’d love another girls night.”

“Her shift ends at 7… probably be home about 8…”

“OK, I am going to take a nap after I have that shower, OK?”

“OK I’ll just be here studying.”