Mid 1980’s Boston

Well I am Meghan, Fiona and William's daughter. The one with maybe two mentions in the last book. That’s OK because I was between the ages of five and eight back then. Now I am in my emergency medicine fellowship at Morton Memorial Hospital in Boston. A far cry from my father’s small town medical practice and a very far cry from my grandfather’s very small town rural practice almost 60 years ago.

My mom and dad are still well, in their 50’s now. My Grandmother Emmie is still around but by her own admission “An old lady now.” and I just turned 31. I am also, to my mother’s complete joy, getting married… Married to a former patient actually. Though I dare not tell anyone I met him for the first time in the ER… Or what he was in the ER For… I’d just like a jog to the park, and get married under a tree wedding… My mother though, she’s thrilled I am setting down and wants to plan a huge event… We’d have eloped if it wouldn’t have broken her heart.

Well hmmm a little more about me. I didn’t get my parent’s height… I’m like my grandmother Emmie in appearance, at least when she was younger. Not as short but just 5’5” and I have curves... I atleast got the Richardson chest.. Sorry mom… and I didn’t get the red hair if you wondered. It’s got some red in it, as my mother would point out, but it’s mostly brown like my dad.

So before we get into how I met my fiance and ended up in Emergency Medicine, let’s start off a few weeks before I went off to college and I had an awkward conversation with my mom.

“Meghan?”

“Yeah mom?”

“I need to talk to you. Ummm… you’re going to college in a few weeks and your dad and I are really proud of you, and he’s so happy you’re doing a pre-med route.”

“I know mom.”

“Yes, well.. Umm college.. Well you know how dad and I were blessed with you and well… I don’t want that to happen to you and before you say ANYTHING let me finish.” Her mother Fiona said, taking a deep breath. “I didn’t plan for you. Yes you have been a complete blessing but… Look… things are ummm looser nowadays and well, I know you have strong female drives like me. Umm… Oh well this is awkward…”

“I know how sex works mom if this is your lecture.”

“No Meghan it’s not. Well not really… Eventually a boy is going to like you… eventually you will.. Have sex… I don’t want you to put aside all your studies and medical career and all that and become a mom… I mean unless you want to be a mom… I wanted to be a mom… just not right then… but if i hadn’t been, then I wouldn’t be married to your father… OK well don’t hide a boy from us… and umm..” takes another deep breath… “Things are really different now, ummm… I’d like you to take some… ummm…. Precautions going to college…ummm… I made an appointment with my… gynecologist… ummm you know what kind of doctor that ummm… is…ummm for your ummm…”

“For my vagina mom…”

“Yeah but ummm not JUST your… vagina…Ummm… all of your… ummm…”

“Reproductive system…”

“Yeah Ummm… and they can give you pills so you don’t get ummm… ummm…”

“Pregnant…”

“Yeah… ummm… pregnant or… well… Would you go and do that?”

“I guess, if it makes you feel better.”

“OK Meghan and this is between us., you don’t need to tell dad, and ummm… want me to explain what happens…”

“I’ve been reading dad’s medical books since I was 11 so no… And you can drive me but you’re going nowhere near me in the exam room…”

“Oh yeah that’s OK.. I mean I’d go with you if you were scared but…”

“I’m NOT scared mom… I’m fine…”

So about a week after that awkward exchange I’m sitting in the waiting room of her gynecologist, about a 45 minute ride from home. Ironically the same doctor that delivered me, and awkwardly a friend of my dad’s. I even remember what I was wearing that day. Mainly because my choice of outfit annoyed my mother. Yellow hot pants with knee high matching disco boots made of cheap yellow pleather and a striped short sleeve shirt… It was the early 70’s after all, and it was a hot day at the beginning of August. My mom said leave something to the imagination… I wanted to show off my butt if we went on that promised shopping trip after… and my mother asking me every two minutes if I was nervous or had questions.

The thing is I was kind of used to doctors. My dad was one, but other than a cold or scrape never saw me as a patient. My aunt Mary was the school nurse and doctors visits always interested me. I am not sure why, but while some kids complained, I’d be doing check-ups on my stuffed animals or comparing visits with my friend Ellie. I’d also be peaking at my dad’s medical books and journals since I was a kid. He never seemed to mind and while he didn’t always encourage it, always just reminded me to put it back where I found it when he’d catch me.

I didn’t really expect the exam to be comfortable but I also wasn’t super worried. I never even kissed a boy back then, but the handle of my hair brush and some experimentation meant the speculum wasn’t going to be a complete shock. Yeah when my mom said I had strong female drives like her she figured out I was “experimenting” as she called it. Actually when I was really stressed between keeping up my GPA, or clubs, or time management… Some alone time and a good “O” as I call it was my main stress relief. So yeah I was an 18 year old virgin at the gyno but probably a lot better prepared than most. Really I was more curious than anything.

Finally the nurse called me back, her name was Rose and not that much older than me. Maybe in her mid 20’s. She asked me if she’d like me to stay with her during the exam but I said no. I figured I’d like less of an audience and mom’s gyno was a woman… So everything off! I got on my gown, knee length and open in the back, and I sat on the exam table waiting for her to come back in for my vital signs… She came back a few minutes later, did my pulse, BP, and once again asked if I had any questions… Looking around the room I didn’t, but I was starting to get a little nervous looking at the instruments sitting on the stainless steel tray next to the table.

When the doctor came in she was petite, about my dad’s age, with greying longish hair, and I instantly thought she put me at ease.

“Hello Meghan, I am Doctor Daria Sadowsky. you can call me Daria instead of doctor Sadowsky if you want.”

“Really? You don’t mind?”

“No, not here, and wow I haven’t seen you in, well 18 years! Your mom said you’re going to go to college for pre med? Following the family passion?”

“Yes doctor… Umm Daria.”

“Well before I start do you have any questions?”

“No, I am more curious than nervous actually.”

“Well that’s good, unfortunately not something I hear very often on someone’s first visit. Anything you’re curious about in particular?”

“No, just curious really… Can you explain things to me?”

“Of course Meghan.”

After that it’s a matter of the usual questions, when was my first period, what are my periods like, am I sexually active, do I plan on being sexually active… What I thought about birth control… And I was honest that it would make my mom feel better and that I wasn’t opposed to sex with the right boy but I’m not looking for the right boy right now. After that she had me lower the gown and listen to my heart and lungs. Deep breaths and and out and I always had a weird fascination with the stethoscope. Always a bit self conscious about being topless from about age 11 on, but I also more than once “borrowed” my dad’s or Aunts and more than once listened to Ellie’s heart at a sleepover.

Then the breast exam… I wasn’t sure what to expect. I have had like a quick feel before, nothing too serious, just enough to be like “do your self exams…” which I always did… because I liked them. Hers though was much more thorough… Not like painful in anyway but she pressed so deeply and purposely on my firm breasts, small circles with her fingers, then had me lay back and did it again… Then the shocker… She pinched my nipples….

I actually jumped the first time and she said she was sorry for shocking me and would warn me next time. My nipples were rock hard and sensitive by then though… I really didn’t know why I was blaming the cold air and stimulation but… yeah… the next pinch wasn’t as bad… I didn’t jump at least…

She then lowered the gown to my waist, tucked a bit under my hips… The very top of my pubic hair was showing and I was laying there topless while she felt my belly. I somehow was OK with the exposure by then, though all of a sudden I got self conscious about it… I had my arms at my side and then had a thought of “what if she thinks I am enjoying this?” so I quickly crossed my arms over my chest as she was feeling lower.

Finally she covered me back up and I awkwardly put my arms in the sleeves of gown and she helped me get my feet in the stirrups… She asked if I wanted a mirror to watch. I said OK cause I was a bit curious afterall… Not sure what she thought of that but said something along the lines of me being her most comfortable “first timer” ever. I admitted to reading all my dad’s exam manuals since I was a kid and kind of knew what to expect… Just wasn’t sure what it would actually feel like… She promised to be as gentle as she could…

Then the whole pelvic exam started… First with a grand tour of my external genitalia.. She showed me everything… My labia majora, labia minora… I mean I had looked around before but not like that… She pulled the hood back from my clit and when the cool air hit it I jumped a bit… She didn’t seem to notice, then pointed out the ring where my hyman used to be.., Mentioned it really didn’t mean that I was a virgin or not… I didn’t want to tell her what I had been doing with a hairbrush handle since I was like 14… then finally my anus, just felt so weird to have someone spread my cheeks like that.

OK now onto the speculum… WOW… It’s not a hairbrush… It’s COLD and OPENS… a really weird feeling… I didn’t think it hurt, it just didn’t “feel” right… I cramped REALLY bad during the pap test. I almost wanted to cry and I didn’t blurt out “Owie” and she just said it was OK it happens… Haha she did manage to find my cervix on the first try! Haha I was worried about that… But I was a little embarrassed when she said it was the same angle as my mother.

Then the bimanual exam… Oh I never felt anything like that… Again not painful, just awkward to have the doctor that delivered me have her fingers in me. Also I just didn’t know what to make of the new feeling of this… Pressing deep into my belly and feeling all around. A little tender… Way too much lube. I mean yeah better too much than too little but it was feeling like it was getting everywhere down there.

I really didn’t mind the rectovaginal… she explained it all… and I knew what “bare down” means… I did think I was about to poop all over when the finger came out, even though she said I wouldn’t… I was in complete shock when she put her finger back in my bum and was twisting it around. But yeah that was it…

After I got dressed I went out into the waiting room and my mom asked how it went… I just said fine… I really wanted to take a shower but I didn’t want my mom to know that… I didn’t feel dirty, but I was spotting and still oozing lube from both my holes… But yeah we did a little shopping and then I grabbed a shower when we got back… To which my mother said “It’s ok Meghan, I know the feeling.” so I guess she gets it.

I did make a point to fill in my friend Ellie about all the details of my first exam that evening, something that shocked her… Then she avoided me for a few days… Until I ran into her in the park…

“Hey Megs… I saw your dad the other day… Or should I say he saw me…”

“Huh? He didn’t say anything.”

“Oh good then…”

“What do you mean?”

“Your mom and my mom talked… guess who did my first pelvic exam…”

“Oh…. I am sorry..”

“Geez Megs, he's known me since I was like a kid… And I never saw him before as a patient… Then geez Megs! your DAD had his fingers in me!”

“Oh God… My dad… Ewe…”

“Yeah, ummm he does my mom’s so umm… Just God Megs… YOUR DAD!”

“I am sorry Ellie…”

“Yeah and Johnny McQire was in the waiting room as I was leaving… Johnny…You know I have the hots for him.”

“Yeah…”

“I just had my Vag fingered up by YOUR DAD… and then he was there…”

“Well… Umm…”

“And he was like Hi Ellie you feeling ok?”

“So I’m like yeah just a check up… and he’s like oh so am I… God ewe does he know what happens at girl visits? Ewe he was probably imagining me naked…”

“Boys have it easier…”

“How do you know…”

“It’s in my dad’s medical books…But he probably had his junk felt up… i’ll show you the books if you’re curious.”

“Kind of, but I really don’t want to see your dad…”

“I’ll bring it by your house later if you want?”

These days I really regret not pressing her to compare my dad’s exam to the one I had.. At the time I really didn’t want to know either… But yeah since then… I have been curious.