We sat there for a few more minutes before I let go of her fingers, reached up to close the clamp on my enema bag hose, and stood up. I moved the coat tree that held my empty bag forward toward the front of the chair I had been sitting on while enjoying the enema and the changing alpenglow on Mount Hood.

"Are you ready to go in?" Abby asked.

"Yes," I said as I carefully maneuvered around in front of her with my nozzle still inside me. I figured I was about to challenge the full six feet of hose from the bag to the nozzle, even though I had moved the tree that held the bag, so I moved carefully in front of Abby. Abby assumed that I was going to help her up when I carefully dropped down to my knees.

"Spread you legs. *I'm going in...right here*," I said. Before me was the sight of her hose connected to her nozzle that disappeared into that cute rosebud of hers. My cum was slowly draining out of her pussy and down around the nozzle. She leaned back, spread her legs and, as my mouth and tongue reached her pussy, ran one of her hands through my hair.

"You're such a bad boy!" she said with emphasis while rubbing my hair. My tongue and mouth hit the right spot and she tensed up as I was licking my cum that was draining out of her. I knew I was in a danger zone. She had a larger volume enema inside her than we typically used and she could lose control of her anal muscles and blow out the nozzle and the enema all over my face, chest, and whatever else she sprayed. We had never had that type of accident (an accidental release in a shower and a few small leaks, yes). I was really trusting her not to blow out. She pulled the back of my head in harder to hold my mouth in place. Then I felt both her hands behind my head. If there was any "good news" in this situation, it was that I knew a woman's anal muscles clamp down when they orgasm and Abby was clearly in the middle of a big one.

I worked my tongue in the valley of her labia and all around the surface and gently traced my pointed tongue over and around her clitoris. I lowered my head so I could tilt it back to get a better angle on her vaginal opening and all the juices that were flowing out of her. At this angle, I could look up her abdomen to her breasts and stiffened nipples. Her head was tilted back as she breathed heavily through her mouth. It was all lit by the fading twilight and the dim light from the garden lighting. To add a special touch to this scene was the crescent moon in the sky behind her. It was such an erotic scene that was created in the moment. Oh, how I wished I could have recorded it on film.

I gently brought my mouth and tongue back to her clitoris and gave it a gentle sucking and kiss before slowly pulling my head back. Her hands were still holding my head, fingers in my hair.

"I don't think I can do this," Abby said.

"Do what?" I asked.

"Give you up!" Abby said.

"I know," I replied.

I laid my head over onto her right thigh. This was a very special young woman and I was weakening in my willingness to step back from her for a while as she started her new life at Oregon State University in just another ten days or so.

Months before, this is what we had agreed to do. It wasn't an end to our love or our relationship. It was a *pause* in our relationship. If our love remained (strong) after the next phase of our lives, and we found the pull strong enough for us to be drawn back together, I/we felt there could and would be way forward for us.

It wasn't like our relationship was monogamous or that we had ever required it to be because it hadn't started that way for Abby and I. Like Catie and I, these months of being with Abby developed a sense of belonging to each other. It wasn't ownership, as that was too strong of a word. Where I felt *certain* about Catie (*locks for all of Catie's keys and keys for all of Catie's locks*), I felt less *certain* about Abby. As I have mentioned elsewhere, I knew how much Abby's life, certainly her view of life and relationships, was about to change. Gail Sheehy had called these periodic life transitions *Passages.* Abby was approaching and starting a big life transition when we met (a senior in high school getting ready to leave home and discover the world) with all that went with it. I had a bigger role in that than I would have imagined in October 1985 when we became sexually active under Catie's watchful eye. But it was more than that. There were also the added events like her dad's stroke (possibility of death) and the car accident that killed her mom and sister (the cold reality of death)

Metaphorically, Sheehy had likened it to crustaceans shedding their shells to grow a new one. It was a time of vulnerability. It was a time for growth. I had gone through it, as had Catie and most everyone else I knew when I was attending the university. And from my observation the first year and certainly the first two years, created the greatest greatest change and the greatest (potential for) growth. Not everyone handled it well or got through it. Things like the old constraints of how you were known by your friends and even how you knew yourself were going to change. The inner core of being might not change so much as find a way to grow and find new paths to self-expression.

During one of conversations about our plans, Abby asked what if she met someone else. What I told her was something like this in a much broader and more expansive conversation. I remember saying a lot of these words and they are probably the most important of everything that was said:

"You and I have both experienced great loss in our lives. You've lost you mother and your sister and they and their loss, will always be a part of your life. It may affect you in ways that you don't or cannot see. It may even define some aspects of your entire lifetime and define who you are. But it doesn't have to. Just as you will find out that who you are or think you are in high school, how everyone knows you, is not who you really have to be moving forward through the future."

"I've lost your sister and your mother to the same tragedy, but not in the same way that you have. Catie will always be a part of my life in some way. I lost a partner in love. The woman who wanted to be the mother of our children and the woman I wanted to be the mother of our children and to share parenting with. I really didn't have enough time to fully take in that's what was happening and my children, our children were growing inside her. At another level that's probably hard for you to see or know, I mourn the loss of our children. And your mom...she would have been a wonderful grandmother."

"But I lost that and so did you. A the difference of a second or two and where you are on a map might have been the difference in life and death. But we had no choice in that, no control over that. And I'm still left with the sense of something/someone who was taken away from me."

"Remember, I'm only here because my wife found somebody else. In the end it doesn't really matter how it happened. In the end, it was whether we could find a way to be happy with each other and in love with each other once again. Try as I did, there was nothing I could do, nothing I could say, no one that I could become, that would dissuade her from the other guy that she found. And she was too afraid to come back and try (to give up someone else she had found or had found her. What if the marriage and the relationship didn't work out and now she had lost this other person). One of the hardest things about love and someone you love is letting go when your own personal interests stand in the way of their growth and their happiness and you can find no way to be part of that growth and happiness. And so, I made the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life: I let her go."

"Not in anger, or self-righteousness. I wanted her to know that I loved her and that I will always love her. And part of loving her was not standing in the way of her happiness. I would be there for her, at least for a time, if things didn't work out and she realized that she wanted to try again. But there were two *conditions.* First, I had to be available. I wasn't planning to run off and find a replacement for her. But releasing her meant releasing me and random chance might have me meet someone with whom I could love again and it would be unfair to me and to them to drop them just because she wanted to come back. If the first condition was met, then the second one was very simple: come back because it's what you choose to do, not because you feel you have to."

While she might and probably would meet someone new and exciting, so could I. I also reminded her that my options were much more limited because I had a child to whom I had a great deal of responsibility as a parent. "Catie was ready for that and becoming a parent changes your perspective and your life whether a step-parent or a birth parent." I wanted Abby to experience a broader slice of life to inform her of the choices she had before her.

Abby once asked me if I thought my ex-wife and I would ever get back together. Catie asked this same question of me very early in our relationship while we were still on the train on the way to Chicago.

"No, that seems unlikely" I told Catie. But with time I added something else for Catie as our relationship and our love developed. "Not because I don't love her anymore. But because the love I share with you is love that is more important in my life than the way I loved her in the past." By the time Abby asked me that question, I already knew the full answer.

I did say the same sort of thing to Abby. But I added something for Abby that needed to be said that I didn't have to say to Catie and it was related to her age and her experience.

"We may find that we really want to be with each other that we want our lives and love to be shared together. I suggest that you find out what college life is about. You're going to discover some wonderful things about life and yourself and hopefully not many, not wonderful things. You may find somebody wonderful, maybe more than one over the next few years. And if you do, I will be happy for you and honored that I am, was, and will always be your first love and lover. But know that I will never use that against you as a wedge in whatever relationship you have. I am not that way. Loving you means (to me) always looking out for your happiness and what is the best for you. Maybe I understand that differently now that I'm a parent. But I've always felt that way about being in love."

"And, if it turns out that we want to spend our lives and our love together, then we'll find a way to make it work."

I know, pretty heady stuff. But I was speaking from my experience, something that Abby didn't have much of. I also pointed out that my son was closer in age to Abby than I was. "So, when he turns 18, you're going to be a 31 year old *hottie* and might be his hot step-mom." We did have a bit of humor around this.

So here we were, months after we had agreed to this *pause* and both of us having second thoughts.

This was all racing through my mind at the speed of thought as my head was laying on Abby's thigh, her hands still rubbing my head and hair.

Suddenly, I reminded that I was holding an enema and there was some pressure buildup that I needed to address.

Abby must have had the same sort of reminder and reaction.

"I need to go inside to release this," she said.

"So do I," I said. I stood up carefully the change of angle made it dangerous that I might not be able to keep my muscles clamped shut. Somehow, I managed. I closed the clamp on Abby's bag.

"I'm going to pull the nozzle out and leave my bag here," I said. "Do you want to do the same?" I asked. Abby told me yes and I pulled her nozzle out and helped her up. I grabbed the towels and handed her one "just in case." We made our way to the side door in the near darkness. As we approached the house, we discussed which bathroom (there were two downstairs) we were headed to. There was a half-bath and a full bath downstairs. Each had only one toilet. If we went to separate bathrooms we would both have a toilet to sit and release on. If we went to the full bath, one of us would have to wait and maybe release in the bathtub if we couldn't wait for the other to get off the toilet. We agreed to split up. Abby went to the half bath, I went to the full. By the time we split up, we knew "it was going to be close." Fortunately, we both made it to our respective toilets before the big gush. But it sure felt good to release it.

I'm guessing I released two-thirds of the enema before I took a pause in releasing. I cleaned up, flushed the toilet and told Abby I was going back outside to retrieve our stuff. I was back out picking up the remaining towels, Abby's robe, the enema bags, and the coat trees when she stick her head out the door. The camera was still on and I was about to turn it off when Abby stuck her head out the door.

"Do you need any help?" she asked.

"Yes, I do," I replied. I had placed everything but the coat trees on the bench swing. Abby came bounding across the backyard (also naked). In the dim light, she couldn't tell that I was hard and erect again.

"What do you need help carrying?"

I grabbed her by the arm and spun her around to face me, She was higher on the incline above me.

"You," I said and I pulled her towards me and we embraced and kissed. She was immediately aware of my erection and reached down to position it against the centerline of her belly. The next thing she knew, I had my hands on the back of her legs, just below her butt, and I was picking her up. She immediately knew what I was trying to do.

"Here, let me help," and while holding onto my shoulders with one hand, she reached down with the other hand and lined us up. As soon as she had us properly positioned, she re-wrapped her arms around my shoulders and helped lower herself down on the my cock. Now, it was a matter of us holding on to each other, me being able to hold her up, and us keeping our balance. She started bouncing as she got her legs wrapped around me and I started thrusting into her. This wasn't our first time in this position but it was the first time we had tried this outside.

"I wanted to pick you up like this out on the beach, carry you around, and fuck you this way today," I said in a rather breathless manner as I was thrusting away at her. I wasn't going to cum this way, or at least I didn't think so. But Abby was and did.

All she said was "I wish you had," and I think the thrusting and the thought of us being out on the beach fucking like this just turned her on and she had one of her orgasms. A moment later she said, "you could have taken me to the log, sat me down on it and fucked me silly...in front of all those people." This time it was a bigger orgasm and she was getting loud enough that it could start drawing the attention of the neighbors or people on the street.

---

As an aside, I had discovered (accidentally) that this sort of position could cause intense orgasms in some women. Using the standing position might get us started but it was usually placing my female sexual partner on a strong desktop or a counter to achieve the angle and the thrusting to trigger a much deeper orgasm. Catie and I had done this in her apartment, and Abby and I had done this in the hotel rooms and in the bathroom. Not too often, as it was an intense physical activity for both of us and the height of the surface and the angle had to be just right. I also wondered if the time of the month also played into how receptive my partner was. What I discovered was from this positioning, I could find her g-spot and her cervix at that angle, and could put her in a continuous orgasm, her eyes rolling back in their sockets as she took stroke after stroke. It was this angle, this way of rubbing along the front wall of her vagina that made this happen and I suddenly realized that this was what Abby was trying to do (to a limited extent) as she leaned back as I was cumming in her.

The first time I ever encountered this was with my first wife (before we were married). It was in the summer between my junior and senior year (1974). I had a summer job and had arranged for a weekend off to visit her. She was going to summer school to take her last coursework to complete her degree requirements. She was living in a suite style dorm and she lived in the back room one the left that didn't have windows facing the balcony walkway to enter the suites. She also didn't have a roommate. Because she didn't have a roommate, I stayed in her room over the weekend (which meant that I was staying after "open house hours"). The suite provided accommodations for up to eight women. Fortunately, many of her suitemates were also away during the weekend. But I was mindful of not heading into the bathroom when I wasn't supposed to be there (as a male visitor).

I arrived on Friday evening and we had not been together since early May when we went to Atlantic Beach, NC for a long weekend after I had completed my final exams nearly six weeks earlier. When I arrived on the Friday afternoon in June, she was waiting for me and greeted me as I came off the elevator wearing this long, flowing turquoise kaftan. I knew what she was wearing under it (nothing) and that she was as ready to fuck as I was. I followed her into her suite on the sixth floor and into her room where, after closing and locking the door, she pulled the kaftan over her head and promptly stripped me out of her clothes. For her, this was one of those times of the month after her period where she got particularly horny and the fact that we hadn't seen each other for about six weeks just magnified that. After that first lovemaking session (that continued long enough for me to cum in her twice), we got dressed and walked off campus to get the car that her dad was letting us use over the weekend.

When we returned from dinner we were back in bed together, this time it was much less hurried and frantic in our sexual encounter. It was a very intimate evening for us after being well-fed and having taken the initial edge off our horniness. Open House hours were from noon to 2:00 AM on Fridays and Saturdays and we made sure that I got to the bathroom before 2:00 AM before I was "shut-in" for the night. Because there was at least one other woman in the suite.

Our morning started much as our evening had ended with very intimate and passionate lovemaking. Other than getting up very early in the morning sneak into the bathroom to pee (because no one else was up and awake), I was shut-in until at least 12:00 noon. That was the first time my girlfriend had watched me pee since I couldn't get to the bathroom when the other women were up and about before Open House hours. We left the dorm shortly after 12:00 noon (to get something to eat) and returned a couple of hours later to spend more of our limited hours together fucking in every imaginable position. It was during this afternoon "session" that we experienced something that we hadn't experienced before.

I was on top of her just stroking away when I had picked her up off the bed and then stood up with her legs wrapped around my hips and arms wrapped around my shoulders so that I was in the standing position while we were fucking. The way I was thrusting into her was triggering her into a series of back-to-back orgasms. This was not unusual for her in this position. But there was only a limited amount of time that I could hold her this was before my muscles tired and I would have to go to a different position.

These newer dormitories were equipped with built-in desks and I set her down on the edge of her desk so that I had good access to her pussy hanging over the front edge.

Standing in front of her, I started thrusting in and upward into her. We had never down this before either in my room during the regular semester sessions or when she and I were in summer school together. I was holding her legs apart with my forearms while she had her arms wrapped around my neck. I was able to establish a nice, consistent rhythm. But it was watching her face that was so mesmerizing. First this smile, her eyes closed like she was far away. Then her eyelids began to change color as her skin color started to turn flushed wish red cheeks. The smile faded as she was now experiencing something more intense. She was breathing harder and she was having difficulty holding on to me. I dropped her legs and leaned her back so I could hold her without her falling backwards. Still, the pace and rhythm of my stroking did not change. The sensation on the top of the head of my cock (glans) was quite intense for me. Still, I kept stroking and held her. She was not looking at me or anything as her eyelids were closed. It was like she was with me and not, all at the same time. Then her eyes opened and she tried to focus on me. She didn't say a word, just heavy breathing and the change in her skin color. I didn't ask her if she wanted me to stop and I took the look in her eyes and the way her eyes were wandering as "don't stop what you are doing." And then I watched as her eyes rolled back and upward, there was no focus.

If she was quivering, I couldn't tell because it was masked by the motion on my part. She certainly wasn't convulsing. I knew I was rubbing something inside in away I had never done before and it felt good to me. It felt even better to her and I kept on going. She let out this guttural sound unlike any I had heard before when she orgasmed, and all of sudden she was "squirting" this clear liquid down my legs and onto the floor. I thought that she had lost control of her bladder (apparently not) but I kept stroking in and out of her. Suddenly, she went limp in my arms and I stopped stroking and had to hold her up so she wouldn't fall over. And then she tried to hold herself up while I held her in my arms.

As she caught her breath, she was eventually able to hold herself up with less of my support. Her heart was still racing and needed a couple of minutes to slow down. I didn't realize it at the time, but that g-spot cervix stimulation was creating a condition of hypoxia. She didn't know whether she passed out and didn't remember going limp in my arms, or squirting. But she did remember how intense the sensations became, leading into a continuous orgasm, how good it felt and that grew in intensity. As intense as it was, she didn't want it to stop. When we talked about it later, she said the only thing comparable to it was holding a vibrator against her clitoris and not letting up even if she started to orgasm. It became painfully pleasurable and she didn't want me to stop what I was doing to her.

As she regained her composure, she realized that she did need to go to the bathroom to relive her bladder. Fortunately, we were the only ones in the suite that afternoon and her room was right next to the bathroom. I pulled out of her, carefully helped her step onto the linoleum floor (she was still pretty unstable), and with my arm wrapped around her, opened the door and took her to the bathroom (we were both still naked). I guided her to one of the toilets and helped her sit down. I stood there to make sure she didn't fall over. Another first for us, as that was the first time she ever peed in front of me (maybe because she had watched me pee into a jar earlier?).

She was starting to feel more stable. but I helped her up after she wiped herself (got a lesson in wiping a woman's parts that afternoon). She was much more stable on her going back into her room and I sat her on her bed while I wiped up where she had squirted and where we had tracked it into the bathroom. I came back and crawled into bed with her. She needed a break because the experience had really made her feel very tired and sleepy. She felt bad about me not cumming. We laid there in bed, side-by-side as she continued to tell me what she remembered and felt, and I told her what I observed. We drifted off to sleep together and a couple of hours later I awoke to her straddling me and sliding my cock into her. She was still pretty sensitized to the intense stroking she had received but wanted me to cum inside her.

I thought I had found the Holy Grail of sex. Throughout our relationship, she and I repeated this positioning for this type of intense sexual stimulation because it was either the standing or the countertop that gave the best angles for that type of stimulation. In the next year we found that sitting in a chair (with arms that she could spread her legs across) also provided the right angle. I could not thrust as vigorously while sitting like that but the constant pressure and rubbing of that area in her vagina produced similar results. Though we got close to that level of intensity as the first time, it was never as intense to have her pass out like that. It also wasn't something that she wanted to experience all the time or even frequently.

Subsequent to that experience, I also found out that not every woman likes that degree of intense stimulation, and that G-spot stimulation might not be the Holy Grail after all. Fortunately, Catie and Abby were two of the handful of women in my life who really liked the intensity or the sensation (though I never drove them to unconsciousness, either). So, when Abby started thinking about me taking her over to the log and setting her down, she was thinking about how intense that would become for her because she had experienced that before.

---

Abby and I didn't stay in this standing position for long after she had that big orgasm and I set her down and pulled out of her knowing that we would finish inside the house. Abby turned off the recorder, unplugged it, and took it all in the house while I carried everything else in behind her. We both finished releasing our enemas and I gave her a very small volume enema to clear out any "sludge" that was in her lower rectum from the larger three quart enema.

There were no more enemas that night and no more video recordings. We made love throughout the evening and into the early morning as we felt the need and the mood to be physically and emotionally connected as only intimate sexual partners can provide.