I was nearly 19 when I was sent to Institution A*. This place was a "reform school" and welcomed troubled girls and minor young women (recall that majority was at age 21 back then). By "troubled" one meant minor delinquency, but also things such as having "loose morals" (understand: premarital sex) or just being suspected of it (dating boys). Sometimes it was families who asked for their daughter to be sent there. All it took was a judge's order.

Government had largely contracted out the business of taking care of troubled youth to religious orders, and accordingly the reform school I "attended" — or, rather, that I was imprisoned in — was run by nuns. I was first introduced to the mother superior, who reminded me of the rules of the place, which were basically "obey, and don't talk back".

Then came, on that first day, one episode that, I think, most women who had been imprisoned in these places remember into their old life. I was to take a physical, which was administered by the school nurse, also a nun (did she actually have a nursing qualification? I would hope so). She asked me a number of questions regarding past illnesses and checked me for lice and other parasites (mange?). Then came the order to remove my panties. Then, once I had obeyed, it got worse. I was told to lay on my back, spread my legs and put my feet in metal devices. At that age, of course, I had never been to a gynecologist. I hesitated. The nun repeated her order. "Spread your legs. Am I asking you something you don't know how to do?". The implication was clear: she thought I was used to spreading my legs for a boy (I was sexually inexperienced but at least knew laying back and spreading legs was the position a woman was to assume). What was I to do? I assumed the position requested. The nun had a look at my private parts — I don't think anybody had done so since I was a baby in diapers. Then she pushed a finger up my vagina. Nobody had done that to me, except for some self-experimentation. The finger was meant with resistance, but eventually slipped in before withdrawing. The nun's tone changed to a bit gentler — "you are preserved!". I realized that the most important part of the "physical" was a virginity test.

I later had the occasion to compare recollections of that "physical" with other former inmates of that institution. Sometimes the examination happened in front of a nurse "trainee", who in some cases was made to do the examination herself in addition to the titular nurse. I was lucky enough to have a rather tight and undamaged hymen. Otherwise, the nurse would try to insert two fingers. If they went in, the girl was deemed no longer a virgin, and the nurse conducted a speculum examination (again, for the vast majority of girls the first time they had such an instrument). Maybe she made it deliberately unpleasant to punish "fallen" girls. In any case, the "examination" was traumatic and all former inmates remembered it as humiliating and uncomfortable. Virgin / "fallen" status was entered into the girl's file; I guess "fallen" girls were deemed in more need of being straightened out. Girls who had run away and gotten caught were checked again. I heard that the official justification for these virginity checks was checking for sexually transmitted diseases and possible pregnancies, but in reality, I think, they were about humiliation and "breaking in" the girls.

The nuns' obsession about repressing the sexuality of young women extended beyond this initial visit. My bra was confiscated, and replaced by some fabric band that compressed rather than supported my breasts. We were made to sleep on our back, hands apparent outside of bed covers, even in winter when the rooms were cold (the buildings were hard to heat and the nuns wanted to save money). Girls who were used to getting to sleep on their side or other positions were told off. The school was run so that girls would always be within eyesight of a nun, at least potentially. Toilets had no door, I suppose lest girls would do inappropriate things. This was utterly humiliating, particular for doing "number two" or when changing during periods. A former inmate who had spent much longer than me at the institution, and whom I met later, reported that as she had returned to normal adult life she would for many years go to the toilet without closing the door. Young women who had their period had to wash on a bidet. Spending too much or not enough time on the bidet was suspicious: not enough, you were a dirty girl, too much… suspected of enjoying touching yourself down there.

It is of course difficult to ascertain people's motives. I think some of the nuns at least, having taken a vow of chastity, were somehow jealous of girls who had "experimented". I think the nurse enjoyed humiliating girls; but more on that later.

The whole place was run on a mixture of suspicion, pettiness, and gratuitous humiliation. We were issued panties every week. At the end of the week, we were to hand them to the nun, who checked for cleanliness before putting them into the wash; girls with unclean panties were shamed publically, the nun showing the crotch around. In order to avoid this, girls would wash their panties every evening in wash basins, and dry them during the night.

If sick or injured, we were to report to the nurse or her assistant. Claims of being sick (headache, stomach ache…) would result in having to lay on the stomach, bare bottom (skirt off or nightgown up, panties down), the nurse pulling our buttocks apart, ordering us to "bear down", and inserting the tip of an unlubricated thermometer. Physically, that was not too bad, but it was utterly humiliating - she did so to girls whatever their age, even those almost 21, and it happened in front of the other girls in the infirmary ward, and in fact in front of anybody who happened to pass. I cannot help thinking that this humiliation was intentional, perhaps to deter us from reporting nonexistent or mild sickness (recall that a basic tenet of that establishment was that we were liars with the devil inside our mind). Sickness was defined by having fever above 38°C.

Stomach issues, with our without fever, and including painful periods, would result in an enema. The girl was taken to a room which, fortunately, was close to the infirmary's toilets and, unfortunately, was across the corridor from them. She had to undress to panties, pull them down (or completely off) and lay on her side. The nurse would insert a lubricated nozzle and inject water using a can. Much can be said about the nurse, but the enemas were not that bad, I recall seeing her check the water temperature and adjusting it. Furthermore she would stop injecting if the girl complained of feeling full. Then, the girl would go across the corridor to the toilet. However, if the enema was stopped before the full can was given, the nurse would refill the can and the girl was taken for another run. I've heard of three enemas being given in a row. The nurse would say that we would feel better after being "cleaned out". I wonder if she attributed some kind of "cleansing of the sins" virtue to the enemas she dished out so easily.

These were the days when most families would use corporal punishment. The school did likewise, but to a more refined degree. Methods varied. A common approach, which was also widespread in "normal" schools, was to ask the girl that was to be chastised to put her hand up, fingers straight, and hit the fingers with a ruler. Another was to have the girl stand, or bend over furniture, and hit hear backside with the hand or ruler. A refinement applied by some nuns was to have the girl pull her skirt above the waist, and in some occasions the panties would be pulled down too.

The implement could vary. A girl who misbehaved in the kitchen (we were made to work for daily tasks such as laundry, cooking, etc. as well as some workshops that produced goods who were sold to customers) could be hit with a cutting board, wooden spoon, or similar utensil. One nun had a "martinet" flogger, which she used on bare thighs and buttocks.

One nun would sit on a chair, have the girl remove her skirt, then would pull her panties down and have the girl lay across her lap for a hand spanking. The nun's hand sometimes rested on the buttocks as she chided the girl. I have always wondered if there was something carnal in this touch. That nun would sometimes spank a girl for a very petty offense, not even hitting hard, but apparently enjoying feeling the girl on her lap and her buttocks under her hand.

Some more "solemn" punishment was meted out less frequently. I fortunately avoided being sent to the office of the mother superior / headmistress. I unfortunately did not avoid the more "informal" punishments, as well as one instance of group punishment.

Group punishment happened when a group (say a dorm) had misbehaved, or also if a precise culprit could not be identified. I recall one terrible occasion in my dorm. A girl had done some folly - I think putting excrement in the shoes of the nun who slept at the end of the dorm (recall that we were kept under watch). The nuns asked who was the culprit, and none denounced herself.

In the evening, as we were ready for bed, we were then made to undergo what inmates nicknamed "bastinado", improperly as it did not happen on the sole of the feet. We had to lift our sleeping gowns above the waist and on our stomach, exposing our derrières. Some girl who had recently arrived at the school hesitated, and said she had her period, to no avail: she was told it did not matter, and she had to lay on her stomach with her sanitary belt visible, panties pulled down. Most girls had panties off (because they were drying). We must have offered quite a sight, rows of girls exposing their bare bottoms. There was a pause, as though the nuns admired the situation. One of the nuns had a long stick or cane. Each girl received three strokes across the buttocks: one nun caned, one held the girl's ankles down, one held the girl's chest down. The strokes hurt a lot. Some girls heaved cries when they were caned. We all had to stay exposed until all girls were done. I felt some welts when I pulled my gown down. We then were to sleep… on our backs, on our injured backsides, and of course no rubbing to appease the sting.

We were however not done. Before we were left to our uneasy sleep, we were told that we would experience this every evening until the culprit denounced herself. The next day, this time before we got ready for bed, I was to witness one particularly unpleasant ceremony.

Some nuns arrived in a group at the dorm. The culprit had apparently denounced herself; she watched the group with great apprehension. She was asked to remove her skirt and panties. Then, to her surprise, she was asked to use her potty. Since the lavatories were a bit far, and the nuns sometimes prohibited visiting them unmonitored at night (they were control freaks on a regular basis but sometimes were even more control freaks than usual), we each had a sanitary bucket and some rag under each bed. We avoided using them if we could help, because of the indignity of peeing in front of everybody. She said she did not feel the need to go; some girl, who apparently had experienced what was to follow, was brave enough to speak out and tell the girl "believe me, better go now than… you know, urinate on yourself later". The girl adverted our gaze, pulled her chamber pot out, squatted over it. We heard a little stream, then she wiped herself.

The girl was then ordered to lay on her stomach, and we were told to watch. She still had some marks from the previous night's caning. A nune straddled the girl's chest, pinning her down. She then gave the girl a hard spanking with her hands. Then, another nun came with a martinet and started flogging the girl on the calves, thighs, and buttocks. The hits on the buttocks were particularly hard to bear, following the caning and hand spanking, and the girl heaved little cries. The girl's legs were moving, but there was little she could do as she was pinned down. She finally started to cry out loud. When the flogging stopped, her buttocks were red, her thighs and calves pink.

Fortunately, I was to remain only one year and a few months in his horrible place. The school deemed me "reformed", I had less than one year until being 21, and I was ordered back into the care of my family. To this day, I still feel a grudge against those who had sent me there to "save me".

Since then, that reform schools, and all those operated along the same lines, were taken over from the nun by the government, and methods were changed.