Before leaving town on a business trip, he had dropped off all their financial papers with their accountant. The yearly taxes were something he usually dealt with, but this year, she would have to go in and sign the documents before they were mailed.

When she arrived for the signing appointment the accountant said there were just a few receipts that needed clarifying before they could wrap it all up.

“It’s not really my area of expertise.” She said with a gentle laugh. “But I’ll do my best.”

“In the envelope for medical expenses,” the accountant read from a store receipt. “There is a charge for $128 from a hardware store. Does that sound right?”

She tilted her head in puzzlement.

“Does any of this sound familiar?” He asked. “Lumber, 2x6, 8ft, qty 4. Eye bolts, half inch, qty 4. Quarter inch cotton rope, qty 100ft.” He looked across the desk at her.

Her face froze. She knew exactly what that receipt was for. She knew it very well. She had spent many an evening stretched on the frame, all four limbs bound.

“It just doesn’t sound like typical medical expenses.” The accountant continued. “In the off chance that you get audited, very unlikely, but possible, they might question something like this.”

She didn’t know what to say. Of course she knew what she could say, but explaining the twisted explortations of her sex life was not something she was prepared for.

“Maybe it should be in house repairs instead?” The accountant offered.

“Yes.” She quickly agreed. “House repairs.” Her heart was racing. She rubbed her wrist where that rope had held her firmly in place so many times.

“Next I have a receipt, $245, in travel expenses, but it’s from a pet store.” Again he read from a receipt. “Cat collar, pink, qty 2. Dog collar, pink, qty 2. Adjustable leash, qty 4. Bumpy worm chew toy, qty 1. Dog training shock collar, small, qty 1.”

Memories of the vacation they took last summer came flooding back to her. The feeling of her wrists secured to her thighs, standing between two trees alongside the hiking trail. Trying desperately to recite the names of all 50 states in alphabetical order, then all the capitals, then the names of all her school teachers growing up. Everytime she got one wrong, the stinging zap across her lower belly.

She was breathing heavily, but was at a loss for words. Her hand clutched her stomach, remembering the way her muscles spasmed from the shocks.

“Pet supplies should be in housewares.” He said, almost chastising her for making such a silly mistake.

“Yes, housewares. Of course.” She blurted out. There was heat growing between her legs. Her face felt flushed. She hoped he would not notice.

The accountant hit a few keys on the computer, and then returned to the papers.

“Ok, last one.” The accountant paused, picking up a paper and reading the items to himself. She feared what could come next.

“The envelope of property maintenance receipts… it usually contains things like landscaping, snow removal, etc.” The pause was longer this time. She dreaded whatever he was struggling to say.

“From the company, Medical Pleasures, we have $608.” He cleared his throat preparing carefully for the next words.

“Collin Speculum, size M, qty 1. Four quart enema kit with DB nozzle and irrigator, qty 1. Medela breast pump with travel bag. Set of clover clamps with chain, qty 1. Sapphire crystal butt plug, size L, qty 1.” He paused, swallowed, and asked her, “Should I keep going?”

“No, that’s fine. I remember now.” She confessed, trying to end the discussion as soon as possible. She did her best to be professional and not show any emotions. It was both embarrassing and oddly arousing to hear the accountant recite a list of the various medical instruments, some of which had been inside her body.

“Maybe this one belongs back in the medical expenses category?” He suggested.

“Yes. I agree. Medical. Definitely.” She tried to dismiss the topic as quickly as possible.

“Ok. That takes care of my questions. Just wait here while I print the documents.” He headed towards the door. “We’ll get these signed and you’ll be on your way in just a few minutes.”

“Thank you.” She said, glad the questions were over. She sat there by herself waiting, thinking about all those naughty secrets that just been reviewed by their accountant. She wondered what he would think if he knew the crystal butt plug from the receipt was currently nestled snugly in her bum, keeping her company during this awkward meeting.