The first week of Fiona’s Mother staying with the Richardsons was tense enough. They seemed to be in a competition as to who could treat Fiona the best. As tense as things were William was trying to be as polite as he could despite his Mother-in-law taking every chance she could to dig on him.

“Oh Fiona, you know your cousin John entered the seminary?” then looking at William, “It’s too bad your husband corrupted your calling.”

One Friday William was cooking for them and made a plate of liver. “What? giving your wife meat on Friday!”

“She needs the Iron Mrs. Murphy… It's the doctor's orders and not just my orders… anyways we jokingly call it soft steak.”

“Another protestant doctor then…” she quipped as Fiona gave him a “stay calm” look.

Things came to a head though when he came home from work and Fiona was just waking up from a nap on the couch. William couldn’t find any water glasses and asked where they were.

“I noticed you had one of those automatic dishwasher machines, so I emptied it, but I didn’t know where anything went… Who arranged the cabinets anyways?” Fiona’s mother said.

“William when we first moved in…”

“Yeah he would have… anyways I rearranged them in a way that makes some sense… You’re welcome.”

William took a deep breath and closed his eyes… “Fiona, I need to do some paperwork… I’ll be at the office for a little bit…”

“OK William…”

“Well I guess that means I’ll cook then… Good thing because William’s cooking is barely food unless it comes out of a can…”

William left hurriedly reminding himself what a doting grandmother she was… and that being the only reason she was still there… as soon as the door closed and William was walking down the street. “Mom, why are you so mean to him?”

“I don't think I am mean. I just think he needs to learn to be a perfect man for my Fifi and you’re too easy on him.”

“I am not, mom… He’s being so good to me and if you were not here I am sure he’d close down his office for a few weeks.”

“What? and then not be your bread winner? and you end up on the streets? I don’t think so. Anyways, you were too easy with him once already…”

“Mom! Really! How dare you!”

“I’m sorry Fiona…”

“Well you should be! It happened OK? He wasn’t your choice for a husband OK? Maybe he wasn’t your perfect idea… But I LOVE HIM… Accept him! Would you rather he just left me in the street? What would you have thought of that? Huh… How about that? And you know what? He's been nothing but responsible. ALWAYS putting me and the kids first… ALWAYS… we could be living in Boston and he have a higher paying hospital job but he took this upon himself so we could have a cozy life… and you know what… You know what! I am glad he got me pregnant… You’d never have let me marry him any other way… Ohhh your damaged little angel… your daughter is a whore… Yeah I am a whore if that means marrying the man I love!”

“I never called you a whore!”

“Oh really? When Doctor McCarthy had his hand all up in me and was calling me a whore… You didn’t stand up for me! And then he said right to your face ‘you raised a whore’.. You said ‘I’m sorry." What about me huh? What about me… Do you know how scared I was!?”

“I’m sorry Fiona.. I am really sorry… I… You were always the perfect daughter though. Didn’t pick fights like your older sisters, and took care of the younger ones…”

“I’m going to go talk to William.” she said putting on a coat and walking out of the house.

Fiona was just to his office when she saw Audrey and Susie coming up the sidewalk. “Hey..” she said.

“Fiona, what are you doing out of the house in this cold?” Audrey asked concerned.

“I wanted to see William… He’s working late on paperwork..”

“Yeah, we noticed his light was on.” Susie said.

“I could use some company, do you girls want to come upstairs? Anyways, what are you two doing out here?”

“Oh Tommy and I had a date and tried fixing Audrey up with someone but she wasn’t interested.”

“Oh with who? AND?”

“One of Susie’s cousins but… I am too busy right now… and he was nice and all.. But I was taller than him! Anyways do you know who the cousin who took Susie to the prom was? Bobby! Jeanette’s husband Bobby!”

“Well you’re pretty tall Audrey… and Bobby? really?”

“Yeah… ummm… He was nice enough to take his cousin to the prom… and he’s doting over Jeanette and the baby..”

“Oh, don’t worry Bobby is a good man… Come on, let's go upstairs and out of the cold." They climbed upstairs to see William setting up his slide projector in the waiting room.

“Fiona what are you doing out of the house in the cold!”

“I needed to get away from my mother, what the heck are you doing?”

“I wanted to look at some family photos…”

“Oh girls my husband loves photography, even does that new color slide film himself.”

“Just family slides, you’re probably not interested…”

“They probably aren’t but do you still have the fixing for a manhattan in your desk drawer? I could use a drink and maybe the girls want to join me?”

“You won’t tell my mom right?” Susie said.

“Susie, I don’t tell your mom anything I don’t want the entire parish to know on Sunday.” she responded as Susie lit up with a smile.

The doctor made everyone a manhattan and was sure to put two cherries in Fiona’s. Fiona was running through the slides narrating a vacation to Cape Cod. Soon the drinks were kicking in, which just made everyone silly… When they came to a slide of Fiona and William kissing there was a collective “Wooot!”

“My sister took that one.” She said a little embarrassed. “Oh that's the end of the tray.. I’ll go grab another.” William got up to use the bathroom while Fiona grabbed a random tray from the desk drawer and loaded it in. “Oh My God!”

“Wooot!” The girls let out… and Susie stopped and said “Fiona, you’re almost naked…”

“Yes, let's skip this tray…”

“Oh no..” Audry said laughing and advancing to the next frame. “Wow Fiona, you look great!”

“Oh God… I’m..”

“You’re naked in a stream!” Susie called out.

“I… I… Can explain… After Baby Danny was born I was feeling kind of ugly, and William wanted to show me that I was still pretty..”

Audrey advanced to the next frame. “He’s not wrong. WOW you’re really pretty! Great to see you without makeup too!”

Just then William came out of the bathroom. “Oh God… Fiona, that slide box…”

“Yes, your wife is smoking hot!” Audrey joked, advancing through the slides.

“I thought you said you threw those out dear.” Fiona said through her teeth.

“You looked too good for the trash…”

“I thought I TOLD you to throw those out William…”

“Wow Fiona. WOW You’re amazing. You should have been a model!” Audrey said.

“OH the look on your face in that one?” Said Susie. “Almost seductive.”

“Yes I was trying to get him to put the damn camera down!”

“I bet you knocked boots after that snap.” Audrey joked, making Fiona and the Doctor a little embarrassed.

“This can never leave this room.” William said.

“Oh finally the tongue loosened on you.” Fiona said. “Never leave this room..”

“Oh of course not!” Susie said “But you’re really pretty!”

“Thank you.” Fiona said, taking the slide tray and grabbing a coffee can and bottle of rubbing alcohol.

“Fi, what are you doing?” William asked.

She was silent, just dumped the slides into the empty coffee can and walked outside. Everyone followed her into the alleyway and watched her douse the can down with alcohol and light it on fire. William looked not only shocked but apologetic.

“I just can’t let these ever leave the room… Sorry William… Thanks girls for thinking I am pretty… And William.” She said moving close to him. “I WASN’T doing this to be naughty… Just so you know. Come on girls, It’s only 8:30 want to go get a bite to eat?”

“Why does William look disappointed that you were not being naughty?” Susie asked curiously.

“Ask Jeanette one of these day…” Fiona said coily

William began walking home while the girls went back upstairs.

“You know your Husband has seen all three of us naked… and now I have seen both of you naked…” Audrey said in a silly tone. “Actually, probably the first man to see any of us with our legs spread.”

“Yes but my experience was the most exciting at least.” Fiona quipped back.

“He gave you a souvenir.”

“And a wedding ring… I love that man though.”

“Can.. Can.. I ask a question?” Susie said shyly.

“I’m not going to get pregnant because I swallowed?”

“What?” Audry said, shocked.

“What do you mean Susie?” Fiona asked.

“Never mind… It’s…”

“No you can always ask us ANYTHING ok?”

“I sucked on his… boy part and swallowed… I’ve been afraid I am pregnant all week.” Susie said worriedly.

“Well you need to get his semen in your vagina.” Audrey responded matter-of-factly

“Oh I’d never do that! Unless I was married just…”

“No you can tell us… Myths that Jeanette and I believed were busted by babies so please ask.” Fiona said

“We were making out… and he was playing with my nipples… and I was on his knee and rubbing against him… and I accidentally orgasmed.”

“That wasn’t an accident…” Fiona said with a chuckle.

“So I pulled it out of his pants… It was scary… and big… how does that… go inside there? But I started kissing it and sucking on it… and when it went off… I didn’t know what to do so I swallowed… and what myths?”

“I thought you couldn’t get pregnant the first time.. Oh you can… and Jeanette well she thought keeping her bra on would prevent pregnancy.”

“Don’t forget the back door fun she had.” Audrey said, chuckling.

“Back door?” Susie said confused

“She’d take it up the ass.” Audrey said crudely, chuckling again.

“My cousin did THAT? How does THAT even fit?”

“Don’t fart with cum in your ass is the moral of her story, I bet.” Audrey again said laughing.

“Oh God…” Susie said confused…

“I let him finger my butt when he kisses my mound…”

“Oh? That far already?” Fiona asks.

“Yes… He’s so handsome naked…” Susie said shyly. “I don’t want him fingering inside my vagina… yet…”

“But your butt is ok?” Audrey asked seriously

“I want to stay a virgin…And I liked the feeling when doctor Richardson…there…”

“Fiona’s husband certainly can accidentally put ideas in our heads.. BUT Whatever floats your boat… But how big is it?” Audrey again asked

“How big is what?”

“His boy part..”

“Big! we measured it once… with his carpentry ruler… eight inches…”

“Oh my that is big…” Fiona said shocked

“Bigger than Doctor Richardson?” Susie asked innocently.

“Yes but… Susie… you’re so tiny…”

“I’m really scared of it… That’s another reason to wait I guess? But I still fantasize.. Umm does size matter? When..if.. When he marries me I am going to ride it like…”

“Ride it like a stallion?” Audrey said with a chuckle, then in a more serious tone. “A baby comes out of there… It can stretch.. I think.”

“Sorry Fiona…”

“For what?”

“Mentioning your husband…”

“I’ve learned to accept it.. And you know what… Seeing him do that to you… I never saw him work before… It turned me on… You have such a cute tush.”

“I do?”

“I’m sorry Susie, I shouldn’t have said that…”

“I am cute?”

“Yes! You’re really pretty, isn't that right Audrey?”

“Yes Susie, you are, have a little confidence in yourself! Anyways you know what? Seeing him examine people turns me on sometimes… and so did my exam…”

“You what? It turned you on? I thought it was horrible!”

“It happens I mean it was awkward and embarrassing but… Once the thought hit my head I couldn’t stop it… which just made it more embarrassing, which just made me more aroused… and when I see an especially pretty girl… I both enjoy it and imagine it happening to me…”

“I’m especially pretty?”

“Umm yeah!”

“What about me sent your mind down that rabbit hole… If I can ask…”

“How shy you were lowering your gown… then perfect breasts for the stethoscope…”

“They are kind of small.”

“But shapely and a good handful for someone. Not all men like big boobs ya know… But yeah, a stethoscope usually sets me off…”

“Why’s that?”

“Cause he can hear your shy and timid heart Susie…” Fiona interjected.

“You too Fiona?”

“Just the stethoscope, I don’t like anything else like in the stirrups…”

“Me neither… I just… I just liked the shock of a finger in my bumm… I can’t explain it… I was so shocked! It also didn’t hurt as much as his fingers in my vagina”

“Yeah I get that, I think…” Audrey said.

“Gee, now I am thinking about the stethoscope…”

“Oh really now?” Fiona said “What about it?”

“I…I.. just never thought about it that way before…”

“Oh? Well now Susie, if you let me listen to your heart, you can listen to mine?” Audrey said, unsure of herself for the first time all night. “Umm I mean if you want to… And Ummm Fiona too…”

“Audrey… Ummm… OK if Fiona does too?”

“Ummm OK… who first?” Fiona said

“Susie… you first.. Take off your shirt and bra for us…” Audrey said, getting up to grab a stethoscope while Susie undressed.

“Wow Audrey was right… you have the cutest breasts to go with that cute tush.”

Susie just blushed and smiled while Audrey listened to her heart. “It’s beating so strong… So… wow… Ummm Fiona why don’t you listen now?”

“Oh wow Susie it’s pounding… You must have a shy heart.” Fiona said with a smile while she listened… adding in “And it’s not THAT cold in here…”

Susie only smiled and as soon as Fiona was done quickly put her bra back on. “Audrey next…” Susie said shyly

“OK… they’re kind of big ummm…” she said, taking off her top and bra, freeing her breasts.

“Wow but firm…” Fiona said as Susie took the stethoscope from her and started listening to her heart.

“Audrey, you seem to have a shy heartbeat too!” Susie said before handing the stethoscope to Fiona…

“Oh wow Audrey… She’s right? Feeling a bit shy all of a sudden?”

“Mmmhmmm…” Audrey muttered.. Then Fiona put the bell of the stethoscope under her left breast.

“Wow, they are firm…”

“I guess it’s your turn now Fiona?” Audrey said taking the stethoscope but not bothering to put her bra back on.

“I guess… but I’m breastfeeding so.. They’re swollen and might leak a bit…”

“We’re all girls here and it’s natural…” Susie said curiously

As soon as Fiona had her bra off Audrey was listening intently “You have the least shy sounding heartbeat tonight I bet.”

“Childbirth certainly changes your ideas of modesty girls… I mean my father-in-law saw me giving birth…”

“Susie, want to listen?”

“YES!” Susie listened closely, smiling the whole time. Then when she was done both Audrey and Fiona put their bras back on.

“Don’t any of you EVER tell anyone about this. Especially my William..”

“Oh yeah he’d fire me I am sure…”

“You’re not going to tell my mom?”

“No.. Girls secret ok? Right Audrey?”

“Oh yes susie! But better call her and let her know you’re with Fiona and me… and no boys are here… She’ll let you stay out late with the girls right?”

“Yes… Thanks girls. It was fun to be a little naughty.”

When William arrived home he was greeted by his mother-in-law sobbing.

“Where’s Fiona… You didn’t leave her alone in her condition?”

“I’d never do that Mrs Murphy… We ran into two of her girlfriends and they are having some food at the diner.”

“That’s good she probably needed a break from us… And I know you’d never abandon her… I am sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“Everything… I really hurt her feelings tonight… and I know you barely put up with how I treat you… you only do it for her… I’m glad you're my son-in-law…”

“What happened?”

“When you left we had words… I… I am mean to you… and well I am one tough woman… and I don’t let my guard down much… But I hated you for a long time… hated… but I have softened… more than you think… especially after this morning when I saw you on the couch with Fifi and the baby, and the kids… Such a good father you are… Look, can I be honest?”

“Yes… you have never been anything but.”

“Fiona was the middle child… She should have been rebellious, but she was always quiet. Always did what we asked… She’d get attention by being perfect. Never complained… and I might have neglected her a bit? But we are working class, so.. Her clothes were her sisters’, she’d miss out on things because I’d be taking an older one someplace, or she’d be watching the little one… And she was so religious and studious… You got the pick of the litter you know… and then I found out she’s pregnant. Unmarried and pregnant… Even if she didn’t become a nun… well if she didn’t I wanted to at least give her the biggest church wedding the parish ever hosted. She deserved that… It was the last way I could show I loved my little girl… I thought you stole it from me… BUT I see now how much she loves you… and how much you love her… I just wish we knew about you sooner.”

“Would you have ever accepted me though?”

“Once I warmed up to you… We’d have converted you…OK maybe not. I didn’t think any boy was good enough for her… I’m so sorry.”

“It’s OK Mrs Murphy, can we start with a clean slate then?”

“Maurine and yes… though we should probably wait up for her.”

“I agree, Maurine… and thank you.”

About 11:00 Fiona came home and saw her mother and William actually laughing. “What’s going on?”

“Fi, did you really poop in the toilet in the window of a plumbing store?”

“MOM! I was being potty trained… I was THREE…”

“Hey, we had an outhouse when I was three…”

“But what happened here? With you two?”

“I think we cleared the air Fifi… and he now knows why I call you Fifi…”

“Your older sister couldn’t say Fiona?”

“Yeah and the nickname stuck… I shortened it to Fi in high school… but other than you no one calls me that anymore either.”