After The Train
After The Train - Epilogue
Epilogue
Although Catie was no longer with us, what I was left with, in addition to all the memories and experiences, was a collection of relationships that had been formed and that I was part of because of and through Catie. When we first met, I had no idea that enemas would become a gateway for us, of her bisexual tendencies, or the way she would ultimately share them with me. Nor did I expect to explore my own bi-curious side of my personality with her. I haven't focused my recounting of our experiences on my bisexual experiences with her as it was developing late in the relationship. Catie was incredibly turned on by watching me and participating with me in my own bisexual experiences. She had big plans for me when we went to Minnesota the next time, What was so different to me was the way that we shared those experiences; they were so different compared to some other aspects of our relationship that looked perfectly "normal." I realized that I would not have known or been involved with any of Catie's friends, family members, or friends in Minnesota had it not been for Catie.
In the immediate wake of Catie's death, I felt something that was akin to numbness. It had some of the same qualities to the feelings when I found out my wife was leaving me for a younger guy. But unlike those feelings, where I wasn't sure I was going to survive, the lesson I had learned the previous year was that I could and I would despite the tragedy.
Looking back, I can say that I realized I still had to function and I "disconnected" from the strongly emotional side of my loss and dropped into the practical side of getting through the each day. I focused on what needed to be done next. Although it hadn't taken hold yet, this was similar to when my ex-wife and I separated where we had all these relationships that involved both of us but that originated with one of us. As time went on, there would be a natural "sorting" of these relationships.
It was all part of the healing process, even if healing is never quite complete. And thus started "The Long Goodbye."