Sometimes to punish me and perhaps demonstrate her control Mother would call me to come out of my room or back yard and greet a guest of her's who might visit while I was being disciplined. I then had to come to the room where they were and stand in front of them in just my diapers and tell them what I had done to be dressed as such a big baby.

If I were not compliant enough to suit mother I would then face even more hours of diaper discipline. I had to speak loudly and distinctly with no crying and keep my hands behind my back. I had to stand in front of the guests until mother would tell me I could go back to my room. Fortunately this only happened twice and both times her lady friends of seemed sympathetic to my plight and me although one lady did, tongue in cheek, offer to send over to me some of her baby's outgrown toys.

I now wish I had been able at the time to have acted proud of, or at least indifferent to my diapers. I should have done a little dance in them in front of mother and her guests making them think that I enjoyed my diapers. Maybe I could have laid down on the floor in front of mother and asked her to redo my pins to make my diapers more snug. When dismissed by mother I should have asked her if I could go out to the front lawn and play ball with some of the other kids. Questions like these would have taken all the fun out of punishing me and given her a bit to think about.

I was small framed and slim - well able to fit into the 21 x 40 inch Curity baby diapers mother used on me as long as she diapered me. I remember thinking in later years that I should have gotten so fat like my twin brothers that she couldn't get a diaper on me!

In the summer of my thirteenth year I had the hormones of puberty raging and pulling in me and I wet my bed big time one July week. Mother had always warned what would happen to me if ever I would happen to wet.

My brothers were away at Boy Scout camp. I couldn't go because I was very allergic to poison ivy which was all over the camp site. A neighbor child had a birthday party the previous evening at which I drank too close to bedtime and stayed up later than usual. Two bad mistakes. That morning my wet condition was discovered by my mother's keen nose and I was caught. She told me to put all the wet sheets and p.j.'s in the washer and go back to my room and wait for her there naked. Time spent waiting for her was always agony. She gave dad his breakfast and saw him off. Meanwhile, I was left naked in my room dreading what was coming.

At thirteen I had to fight erections at diaperings because I had grown to enjoy the sexual feelings that were now strongly associated with diapers. Soon she came into my room carrying several diapers, pins and powder. I knew the drill and lay down on the stripped mattress and turned over onto my stomach. I didn't want to look as she folded the diapers to pin on me. I would just lie there fighting an erection.

Soon I heard the diapers being folded and arranged and felt the powder falling onto my bottom and then being spread on my cheeks. She then told me to turn over onto my diapers and my front was powdered. As the diapers were coming up between my legs and being pinned I was told that I was to go out into the back yard and wait until she called me to hang up my laundry. There was no use begging for a little mercy or even saying a word.

I just went down the hall, into the kitchen, and out onto the sunny porch where I sat down on the steps just outside the screen door's arc. I had been there before many times dressed only in my diapers. I think I sat there on the steps for some fifteen minutes or so.

Afraid that someone would see me, I planned to go into the crawlspace under the house again as I had done several times before when in this circumstance. The yard was actually pretty well contained, as mothers' rose bushes were tall and tightly arranged, almost like a hedge.

My next door neighbor, a pretty thirteen-year-old girl, Nancy, just happened to look out of her second story bedroom window and see me sitting on the steps. She figured I was being disciplined. She liked me and wanted to help me, I think. She diapered herself, had on a light cotton dress when she came over to be with me.

I did not see or hear her until I saw her coming around the corner of the house. She was holding the front of her dress up so I could see all of her stomach and most of her chest. I was frozen in place. She was so pretty. This was the first time I had seen a girl's breasts since I had nursed from Mrs. Hughes. She came to me and sat down beside me, putting her arm around my shoulders and telling me, " that I was a good boy and didn't deserve to be punished like this."

We talked about school and our plans for 8th grade. Later Mother opened the back door and put a baby bottle full of warm formula down on the concrete and told Nancy that the bottle was for the "baby." This was the only time mother ever gave me a baby bottle of formula in all the years of disciplining me. She said that I should drink it right down and that she would be back for the empty bottle soon. If I didn't finish the bottle quickly I would be given a re-fill. It would be difficult for me to be dry at lunch after drinking that bottle and that meant that I would have been in diapers until after supper at the least.

Nancy led me down to the rose arbor. She sat down slipping off her shoes. She removed a sock and told me to lie down so that my head would be in the crook of her arm. I expected the "ba-ba" as Nancy called the bottle.

She knew that I was aroused because my penis made my diapers stand out rather tentlike. She had seen my erection clearly as we sat and talked and then walked down the pathway to the arbor together. I felt her hand slip under my diapers and pull her thick cotton Bobbie-sock down over the shaft of my penis. She gripped my penis in her hand and moved up and down a couple times and I had my first wet orgasm into her sock. It was well that she liked thick socks because I soaked the sock well.

Nancy made sure the orgasm was done and was not going to leak on my diapers. Nancy knew more about boys than I did in that regard for sure. I have since wondered how she came to be so knowledgeable about boys since she had no brothers. She told me that now my mother would not find "my diapers wet with 'boy juice' and mistake it for pee-pee."

So saying she put the nipple of the bottle into my mouth and I quickly nursed the warm formula down. All the time I nursed from the bottle I kept my eyes closed and marveled at the wonderful feelings I had just experienced.

The orgasm had frightened me at first because I had first thought that I was peeing into my diapers and would have to wear diapers all day. Nancy thought I was silly to not know the difference between wetting and having an orgasm.

Soon she finished feeding me the bottle. This was the first time; anyone had held a bottle for me and fed it to me since I had been a tiny baby. I remember she would pull the nipple away from me occasionally to let the air back into the bottle.

As we started to go back to the porch she told me to stand up and put both my arms around her neck. She then rubbed and patted my back and suddenly squeezed me to her and sure enough I gave out with a loud burp. She wiped all the spilt formula off my chin and face with her skirt. We could smell the strong baby formula smell on my breath.

Nancy thought it was sweet for my breath to be so "babylike." She set the empty bottle down on the back porch where my mother could pick it up. While we were waiting for my mother to come for my empty bottle Nancy asked me where the bottle had come from. Nancy said that she already suspected that I wore diapers from time to time because she had seen them drying on the clothesline before. The 21 by 40-inch Curity gauze diapers would not have fit either of my rotund twin brothers.

Nancy asked where the bottle had come from. I told her that my little baby cousin, Janie, from Roanoke, VA had been visiting with us some time back and her mother had accidentally forgotten the bottle along with a few of her diapers. These left items had just added to my mother's baby collection for me.

Just then Mother opened the door and picked up the empty bottle and asked Nancy if "baby" had drunk it all. Nancy replied that I had nursed it all down. In an hour or so Nancy noticed my distress and asked me when I had last went pee-pee. I did not know as I had been asleep in bed when last I relieved myself. She told me that she would stand guard for me if I wanted to go under the house or back to the rose bush that could not be seen from the house and pee-pee. I could feel all that formula in my stomach and knew I had to take a chance.

I had told Nancy before that I was forbidden during diaper discipline to go pee-pee out side my diapers, but since I needed to go badly, I hesitantly took her up on her offer and risked it by watering that rose bush out the leg of my diapers. I was very careful not to get any wetness on the diapers.

The penalty, if I had been caught, would have been seven complete days, twenty-four hours per day, in diapers. I would have had to have worn diapers to church, school, and whatever else the schedule of appointments called for during that week! I mean cloth diapers with no waterproof panties or even soaker pants. A "doubler" diaper would have been the best I could have hoped for. I would have severely wet or messed any clothes I may have had on wherever or whenever. She would not have bought me any waterproof panties to wear over my cloth diapers.

If mother felt merciful I would have gotten to wear something over them - if not, I would just have to have worn my poopy or soppy diapers shopping or wherever until she changed me. However, there was a good side to having nothing on over the diapers. If I just had to pee-pee I could just spread my legs and let it run on the floor or ground and then move away from my puddle. But if I had pants on the pants legs would get wet and both tell on me. This made me feel very uncomfortable and ashamed. I had just enough experience in these maneuvers to know how to survive if I had to. Nancy figured I would not stay dry until after lunch.

Lunch was two hours and some away and I would have to wet my diapers for sure with all that formula in me. I have hated condensed milk and Kayro syrup from that hour till the present. I think the bottle was mother's insurance that her "baby" would be wet at lunchtime. That afternoon she planned to go food shopping with a friend who drove and I would surely have had to go along. She would have dressed me only in diapers with maybe a short tee shirt and a pair of white socks with no shoes. I hated the thought of having to ride in the shopping cart dressed that way and risk being seen by anyone I knew.

She also desired further humiliation of "baby" in front of a pretty girl by making me nurse down that bottle of baby formula. Never the less Nancy was understanding and we talked more about school and her sick mom. Nancy's mom actually died later on that summer. It was getting on toward lunch when Nancy said that she wanted to walk back to the rose arbor.

Again she had again noticed my erect penis sticking up under my diapers. She was so pretty and that loose fitting dress really aroused me. She could not have missed seeing the bulge on the front of my diapers that my penis was making. After all, diapers were all I had on.

Again she sat down after kicking off her shoes and took off her dry sock. I knew what was coming but had no will to say, "no." I was thoroughly smitten with her.

Her hand slid under the diapers with and again a bulky sock slid down over my penis. Her long red hair was hanging over my shoulder touching me. She smelled so pretty too. Her grip on my penis was delicate yet firm and my shaking body was soon experiencing orgasm for the second time in my life. She massaged all the "boy juice" out and held me for a while getting every drop of wetness.

She laughed and said she sometimes liked wet socks. She must have enjoyed the feel of the wet socks on her feet. In any event she now had a pair of wet bobbie-socks. She put her foot back into the sock and smoothed it down. I could see wet spots and blotches on the sock clearly.

She walked with me back to the porch. She then soon thereafter left to go to get ready to go with her dad to visit her mom in the hospital. Nancy gave me a little kiss and a pat to the front of my diapers when she left. That was nice.

Soon my mother came to the back door with the laundry for me to hang up. I hung it all quickly, but very neatly, and was called in for lunch. I had a sandwich and two big bowls of soup that were calculated to make me wet early in the afternoon during the shopping trip. She was just sure I would be wet and have to go shopping with her. With all the fluids I was taking in during lunch I would never be able to stay dry in the afternoon and the two ladies would have had a thirteen-year-old baby in very wet diapers to tease and embarrass all afternoon.

All during lunch I kept dancing and fidgeting like I really had to go to the bathroom. Also during lunch I had to nurse down all the left over formula she made for me earlier. It amounted to another full bottle.

At the conclusion of lunch, after she had slowly washed the last dish and I had finished my lunch she finally took me into my room and undid my diapers to inspect my "dydees" for the slightest wetness.

Mother was, I think, very surprised that I was still dry. When she gave me permission I jumped up off the diapers and bed and ran to the bathroom and stayed a long time and flushed twice, for effect. Mother was happy - a little disappointed - but I had been taught yet another good lesson. The lesson was not as strong as she had planned for the afternoon but strong nonetheless.

When her lady friend came to take her shopping I was allowed to stay and play there at home. I noticed that the car she drove had a big baby seat in the back seat but no baby. I am sure it had been put there for me had I not been dry. The two ladies were deprived of teasing their big baby. Mother had no idea what had actually happened that day. My first two wet orgasms and both of them into diapers! As the twig is bent so grows the tree, I hear...

Mother would threaten and control me off and on in the years to come occasionally diapering me for short periods. She would sometimes just show me some diaper pins and ask me if I knew what they were. I would immediately stop whatever I was doing and do whatever pleased her. . I knew she would diaper me in a heartbeat!

Once I was put into diapers because my guest wet his pants. My best friend Tommy, the one who had admired my diapers at the New Year party, was over to play a board game with me in my room. Mother was house cleaning and came to the bathrooms and asked us if we needed to go and we answered in unison, "no." She left and it was not long before Tommy confessed to me that he had wet his pants on the school bus. He had had to choose between the rest room and the school bus that was about to leave and decided to take the bus. Oh well, his pants were drying well.

An hour passed and mother happened to poke her head into my room and she smelled urine immediately. She asked if one of us had a problem. We played innocent and she came in and asked us to stand. The jig was up. "Teenagers shouldn't wet their pants nor withhold the truth!" We were told.

Tommy was told to take off his wet pants right then so they could be washed. I was told to take off my clothes and get on the bed. Tommy was told to put my clothes on until his were ready since "I would not need them." She left and came right back with the usual punishment diapers. She diapered me right there in front of Tommy for concealing the fact that he had wet.

Mother said," if you want to act like a baby and conceal things from your mother then you need to be dressed appropriately. I was red as a beet and wearing four thick Curity diapers.

I was surprised when Tommy told my mother that "since I wet, I think that I am the one who deserves the most to be put into diapers." Mother nodded but said nothing. She left and came back with more diapers - this time for Tommy. He was diapered and the clothes were taken away because "Babies don't wear big boy clothes - just their diapers."

We stayed in my room and played at our game in just our diapers until mother came back with his stuff. Tommy had quietly told me that he liked the diapers and thought that they were fun. He reminded me of the New Year's Party when I had been Baby New Year. He had thought that I was lucky. After completing the washing and drying of his clothes mother came back in. She told Tommy to lay down on the bed. His diapers were removed and he was told to put his pants and shirt back on.

She made no move to remove my diapers until Tommy interceded for me and asked if Jimmy could have his clothes back too. Mother said she thought that it would be all right under the circumstances - "just this once." She then removed my diapers and allowed us to go outside and play.

Tommy told me that he was going to ask his mother if she would let him wear diapers sometimes. She must have failed to see the logic of his request and I don't think he ever got her to diaper him. In the spring of the following year my mother again thought needful to put me back into diapers for a short time.

During adolescence I would find relief from my drives and feelings by occasionally buying a half dozen diapers. They also came in packages of six when I was young. I then took them out into the deep woods and pinned them on and wet into them and would masturbate in the wet diapers as a treat. I then would walk around in the wet diapers and when done throw all the diapers away.

Occasionally I would do my pooping in my diapers and use the soiled diapers and the creek to clean up. I was not big on pooping myself because of the difficulty in clean up. I couldn't take the left over diapers home and run the risk of them being found. If one of those diapers I bought had been found I don't know what would have happened. I probably would have been put back into diapers forever!

Time goes on and a few months later after my sixteenth birthday my mother diapered me again intending to humiliate me to the maximum. Most times mother's diapering of me was done privately between the two of us and I was often allowed to stay in my room. Not this time.

I had just gotten my driver's license and was taking her to see one of her friends. I pulled out a little too quickly in front of another driver and frightened her. This was taken as "sassing" on my part. She really thought that I had pulled out too quickly on purpose - just to scare her. She told me to take the car home and arriving home I was told to go to my room and take off my pants. I knew what was coming.

I started an erection in anticipation of being diapered. I tried not to out of sheer embarrassment. I considered myself a young man whose genitals were private. For my mother to see them made me less of a man I felt. At least it embarrassed me greatly when she saw me naked. The application of powder and the spreading of the legs as I raised my rear in baby fashion for her to slide my diapers in under me was the pits. She came into my room with the usual pins, diapers, and powder. My penis became erect and I could not get it to go down.

Ever since my day with Mrs. Jones diapers had a strong sexual connection in my mind. Mrs. Jones' rubbing my diapers, giving me dry orgasms, and letting the girls see me naked and touch me had also had effected me. Then Nancy had given me my first two wet orgasms in diapers three years before.

Mother took my erect penis in her hand and said that I was indeed getting to be a "big baby" - and with her free hand suddenly slapped it hard. I remember crying hard because it hurt almost as badly as when I had hurt it on my bike when my feet slipped off the pedals coming up a steep hill. Before this time I never cried when diapered except back when I had been four and a half. I saw crying as agreement with her on my wearing diapers and I refused to cry like a baby.

After being diapered she told me I could put my jeans back on over my diapers. I was barely able to get my jeans over the bulky diapers and to button up my fly. This was not good enough for her because I had left the tee shirt outside my pants and it would tend to hide my diapers and the bulge they made under my jeans. I now had to tuck my shirt in too.

I looked a bit puffy around the bottom I'm sure with three Curity diapers on.

In front of me, so I could not miss it, she tucked a change of diapers for me into her big purse and told me we were now going again to visit her friend and do some shopping as well. It was in November but I was not allowed a coat. You can't see a person's clothes under a coat, can you?

When we walked up to the door of Mrs. Betts home I was sure everyone would know that I was diapered but no one seemed to notice. Thank Goodness for looser styled jeans and slim hips.

After the visit came the afternoon in the stores and all the time I enjoyed the feel of my diapers but dreaded anyone discovering that I was wearing them.

I asked mother softly to be allowed to go to the toilet but was quickly told about the function of diapers for babies such as myself. I was highly embarrassed to say the least. Mother did not whisper even in front of the clerk.

Every time mother would refer to me it was to "Baby."

I was both excited and scared when mother asked me in a loud voice if I would have a preference on which type of waterproof panties she should buy for me. I wish now that I had enough chutzpah back then to have told her, "Oh, I'll take the pink ones with the cute rumba frills on the seat. They would be just so cute." Believe me, that answer would have given her cause to do some serious thinking!

One of the young part-time clerks there went to my school! We even had American History together. She looked quizzically at me. When I had to answer mother she smiled sweetly at me. Everyone in a fifty-foot radius could easily hear our conversation.

I had to speak loudly or mother would have embarrassed me worse by asking me if I was wet or calling me over to her so she could "check my diapers." She would do this by having me pull my pants down to expose my diapers. She then would make me bend forward so she could see if I had done "a bad job" in the back of my diapers. She would then examine the crotch looking for wetness. She knew I hated pulling down my pants and exposing my diapers.

She had her ways so I told her I preferred the pull-on type best. Then mother wanted to know what color pull-on panties I liked best and I had to tell her blue or clear. Then mother "decided" not to buy the panties for me after all- she did not want to buy any thing anyway. She had just gone through the motions to embarrass me. This is why she always called me "Baby" when spoke to me. The woman had a mean streak.

Eventually we got home and I managed to stay dry.

She knew I was dry. She did not have any waterproof panties to put over my diapers and without plastic panties the blue denim would have absorbed the wetness straight from the diapers and been clearly visible.

This was next to the last time mother ever put me into diapers. Also, this was the only time since the New Year's Eve party back when I was twelve that she made me go out in public obviously wearing diapers. This humiliation hurt deeply and I didn't feel she loved me at all. She would still threaten and tease me.

For almost all the rest of my adolescence I stayed even more to myself. I became a loner and was always afraid that my secret would get out or was already out. I had no way of knowing what, if anything, the young part-time clerk at the Belk-Leggett Dept. store had said about my mother's search for waterproof panties for me or to whom she may have spoken. Evidently she told no one. I should have sought her out and thanked her - but I was too shy. In my mind I figured she had told all the other girls in town about the "big baby who preferred pull-on panties in blue or clear over his diapers."

At eighteen years of age I managed to foul up again. I got caught in a lie. I was ordered to my room to strip for punishment. I had to remove my clothes and wait. It was mid-morning and I was unsure how long I would be diapered for this time. I soon found out. I had to wear diapers until after the supper dishes were finished.

Mother came into my bedroom with three diapers for me. After she finished pinning them on me she told me to put my clothes on over them and stay in my room. The diapers were hot but I was happy to comply and no one else in the family knew that I had them on. This was the very last time she diapered me.

She told me while removing my diapers that evening that I was just a disgusting baby and a great disappointment. She said, "I don't think you will ever grow up and stop acting like a baby. You are just a little baby." I didn't think she loved me at all.

I was presumed lost in a plane over the Pacific Ocean a little over a year later and she was every inch the concerned mother and was genuinely thrilled at the news that I was safely in Japan. But that night she hurt me deeply by what she did and said.

I remember later going into the woods several times and secretly crying until I became "cried out." I thought about killing myself but lacked the resolve. My Presbyterian pastor had told us in Church that suicide would land you in Hell. I didn't want that. So I just shut the world out.

I was very shy and afraid of people. I never dated or went to any party or function at either Junior High or High school. After these experiences I became even more shy and a complete "loner" at school. My mother noticed my reclusiveness but never reasoned from cause to effect.

I remember coming home from school and going to my room and pretending to be studying or going out and doing my chores. Over time I gave most of my toy stuff and sports equipment to my brothers. In the evening I would say little at supper and answer when spoken to but never start a conversation. I became a quiet kid for sure. Everything I enjoyed was done alone except for the rare times Tommy or Nancy would be around.

I even liked the peace and solitude to be found under the house crawlspace. I went there even when not being punished. I would daydream about the joys of being on a desert island or in solitary confinement.

Years before I had been enrolled in dancing school in order to help me become more socially active. However, I remained shy and timid around girls although I liked dancing and knew how to dance better than did most boys or girls.

I was afraid that if I asked a girl out she would immediately tell me, "no," and tell me "she didn't date diaper-wearing babies." In my imagination she would laugh and confirm my worthlessness. I knew I was worthless for why would my own mother have done these things to me if it were not true that I was a loss?

I tried to never knowingly disobey mother and never let her - or anyone else - know how unhappy or lonely I truly was. I had absolutely no one with whom to talk except Tommy and occasionally with Nancy. Mother often received compliments on my deportment. I was such a good boy!

She must have thought that she had done a particularly good job with me!

Deliverance in my mind was becoming a pilot in the Air Force and flying a single engine interceptor jet. Maybe the Air Force could give me some worth and make me a man. I needed help because I felt I had no worth at home. I felt that I was a disappointment to everyone. But most of all I was a disappointment to myself. I went as soon as I could into the military and again forgot about my mother's discipline.

I became a born again Christian in the USAF and my life changed. Life then became good and became even better a few years later when I fell in love. I met a wonderful girl and fell deeply in love with her and to my utter amazement found that she loved me too. To think that she could love me in return was unbelievable but wonderful.

I thank God daily for the gift of her love and next to the Lord Himself she became and is the first and dearest thing in my life.

However, the very first time we made love old forgotten memories returned that I thought were long, long gone. But that will be an untold story...For her ears only...